written by, Mardhiyah

Saya yang menurut perintah

2011-11-20T12:23:00.001+08:00

Berhabukkkk teramat sgt la ini blog. Hachooooom! *sniff* It's sunday. It's probably the only day of the week that ive got to lazy around the house in my pjs. Reported for duty on the 10th of November. As expected, life as a prp, *go find out what that means (gezz that sounds like my preceptor/lecturer)* is a hectic one. outpatient dept is a subset of hell, inpatient is the binary, only partially better.

Officially a government servant

Counselling validation to be completed by the mid of December.

Minimum half an hour ride everyday back and forth to Putrajaya soaks up not only time and energy but also money --- and i feel like my shriveled purse also has this annoying high pitched holler system saying that it needs to be filled up... (the other being installed in my tummy)

**A GENTLE REMINDER**
LEarn from your mistakes, but if it's possible, it's better to learn from other's mistakes so that you wont be doing the same mistake all over again...

I can only update this short, sheesh! Till then, take care all!

Pre Convo: A mental state

2011-10-17T23:19:00.000+08:00

I should have written this hours ago, when the ideas were fresh, now everything seems to be all jumbled up but anyhow, here I am, back in the embrace of Mr Blog.

I havent been really productive lately. Which is why I am mad at myself, which is why I am writing this post. BUt im not going to fill up the entry with hatred, Ive already cried till my nose is blocked. #notetoself : it is okay to cry, it takes the sad out of you. brings in a brand new strength. My eyes needed a good wash anyway. Okay, lame excuse.

Days before today were awesome. Met my (ex) housemates back during the collection of our convo robe at DATC, UiTM Shah Alam. The idea of collecting the robe wasnt as thrilling and exciting as meeting them. There were sooo much to tell, so muchh to talk about soo much to discuss. I'm elated. Overjoyed. And insert more descriptive synonyms here.

Trying out the convo robe. Mine too big for meh but XS is the smallest size @_@"

Skittles! Thank you @mselizabethia

We went for our graduation photoshoot on that day, right under the blazing hot glaring sun shine that rips off the moisture off your flesh (two bottles of water per head needed along the way) and also not forgetting the sunburnt skin. Dang. I just hope the outcome is worth all the sweat.

I just love the neon like colours in this picture.

Twas nice seeing you all back, long hours of talk at my place, in the car, at subang parade, at our favourite Murni Discovery, at imah's house, at Ah Pek Kopitiam the following morning.. It's just so freaking awesome even awesome is an understatement. Cant wait for this Saturday! My big day! Convocation! Not that Im excited that I have finally graduated, but im excited to meet these lovelies again..

Talking about my lack of excitement, yep. I'm not excited. I feel naught, to be honest. I dont know why. Maybe the excitement has been killed by something more thought-provoking. And what is that? *drum rolls*

A LETTER

If money can be earned through patience, I'd be rich by now.

Pre-working life, episode 2

2011-09-22T13:22:00.002+08:00

I'm not really in a decent condition to write, but I still wanna write, never the less. Ive been in the heat, fever for a couple of days, shivers during the nights, not being able to take up any food but to vomit afterwards.. Long stay in beds because of the joint pains. Sounds like disaster.

Since I'm feeling a tad better, after a mouthful ingestion of 500mg paracetamol, my body is starting to sweat out all them toxics, Alhamdulillah. Not only that that im grateful of, but also the super nice and caring people around me, my mum, me dad and also my bestie. Sheesh, I really dont know what I'd do without them in my life.

Speed news on posting: POstponed till november. For an unknown reason, no further elaborations.

The first time I heard this was from che faa, a classmate from uitm pharmacy. We met in front of the new library shah alam and she went "Dgrnye kte punye posting postpone bulan 11 kan" so I went like "WHAT?!" before i heard a loud thump from the inside of my heart. Something just sank.

Patience.
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That's when I start to wonder, just how much longer can I endure this.

But voices keep playing inside my mind. Voices that are there to comfort the daunting whispers of the ill mind. They keep telling me to stay on the positive side...You. are. not. alone.
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I think it's time for an active participation from my right brain. Let's get to work baby!

**Tempahan menjahit dibuka semula. Sesiapa mahu tempah hantar baju kurung, kurung moden, skirts bolehla contact saya.

Pre-working life

2011-09-17T23:46:00.000+08:00

Hello blog! It's been awhile. I have found another escapade, tumblr. Everything there seems to be effortless because no typing, no squeezing out words, your thoughts or feelings or solutions and advices are laid out and all you have to do there is scroll scroll scroll, click and click. That's that. Tumblr makes you feel like you're not alone in this world, that there are also other people feeling the exact same way as you do. Inspirational.

Anyhoowwwwww, Im still here. Ive got nowhere to go, not yet anyway. Still, and still patiently waiting for the last letter from KKM, revealing where my next location would be. I dont know how to react by then. But I'm well prepared. Mentally.

Speaking of that, yeah sometimes i do feel a little bit impatient. The thoughts that keep bugging me "I cant wait to work" "Cant wait to earn my own money" "Cant wait to buy stuff I want that I cant afford right now" Seeing other people with their newly bought, shiny glittery gadgets. And the awesome stuffs they can do with it. I even went to lowyatt recently. It was torture im telling you. A TORTURE.

Im outdated, yeah. But I keep telling myself. It's okay. BE patient. Tak kemana benda tu. You'll have your shining moments sooner or later..It'll become yours someday. *OKAY STOP WITH THE DUNIAWI STUFF*
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I think this holiday has taught me a lot about patience. If I were to talk about it, it wud take another post entry. But lemme just keep it simple. And straight to the point.

Somehow this delay (expectedly after raya, middle of September, but postponed to early or middle October) in posting/working is a way of Allah showing that He still cares. I kinda get it what He's trying to show....what He's trying to tell me. Almost as if He's trying to say :

"Working life is nowhere near to what you're thinking"

They money you'll be getting, that you earn while you're working, comes along with responsibility. WOW. RESPONSIBILITY> such a big word. and I'm still scared of that word. Responsibilities are those that Allah will question later, how well have you managed it..

Responsibility as a pharmacist. You'll carry the image of UiTM, from which you graduated and out there, would be a lot of other graduates, from universities, from other races. People judge, and will continue to do so. I dont wanna be the one who caused people to have thoughts like "Camni laaa budak melayu" "Hapah pun taktau" "Graduan UiTM mmg cmni" OH NOO.. I'm sorry, but I dont wanna be the reason behind it. InsyaAllah. God, please help me make a good impression.

So what's remain of this holiday, Ive planned to flip through pages of Dipiro, old notes, recall back the basics. at least the basics. I dont wanna look stupid. It's true, PRP is still a learning phase, but, why wait for PRP when u can learn now. Its true jugak what I found out from seniors, that what youve learnt kat kelas dulu takkan sama nnt masa PRP belajar completely different things. More practical stuff. But at least, the clinical part, TDM, TPN, CDR. Maybe it would be worth the recap? I dont know, just my 2cents. Poyo? Call me all you want. WHATEVER. I really dont give a shat.

ANd, Just how much I said I cant wait for work,, I know deep inside me, I'm still not ready. not yet. Probably this is the reason why the delay. For my part, I still want to contribute to myfamily, fullfilling my responsibility as a daughter, be good to my parents, trying to help them out around the house as much as possible, lessening their burdens, not a burden dok perabeh boreh kek umah jo. Responsibility as an eldest sister, hve i been a good sister, teaching my adik adik what they need to know, spending time with them when they need me. Responsibilty as a friend. have i spent much time with them, be there when they need me? Who knows what'll happen when the burden of working life starts to grab you by the neck right.. Who knows.. So while Im at it.. Im not going to complain "kenapa lambat plak nak keje ni.."

And while im at it... please...im asking you relatives, pakcik makcik, please stop with the question "Bile nak keje" cuz im tired of answering "bulan 10 nnt"

I still remember how we started talking

2011-09-01T11:02:00.000+08:00

I think I've discovered something about my own dearself.. Me and my profound passion towards words.. Theyre these wonderful things that are made up from 26 alphabets; 21 consonants and 5 vowels. So beautifully arranged to make a word that actually mean something. Words that are organized until they form a sentence. A message. Be it in lyrics, poems, storybooks, magazines, articles, newspapers. Theyve never ceased to amaze me. I wonder if anyone else see it this way as well, such a sacred little thing, that is.

Maybe that's why I find myself looking for comfort from these dear words. Sometimes if Im alone, I scribble down words on my sketchbooks. Quotes.When i get sad, I tend to look for something to read, or, something to listen to, or even, sometimes, someone to listen to; my mum or my bestfriend. They have this magical healing power!

But most important of all, are those words from Allah. in that sacred form of kitaab A-Qura'an. Try this, randomly open a page, and read an ayat, read the translation. Absorb it.

There was a time when something was taken away from me. Something that I dearly value but it had gone lost, nowhere to be found and I was grieving over it so much, I cried. But something told me to open the Quran, and there it was; an ayat from surah Al-Hadiid.. (22-23) *an ayat I could never forget for the rest of my life,insyaAllah*

"Tiada suatu bencanapun yang menimpa di bumi dan (tidak pula) pada dirimu sendiri melainkan telah tertulis dalam kitab (Lauh Mahfuzh) sebelum Kami menciptakannya. Sesungguhnya yang demikian itu adalah mudah bagi Allah. (Kami jelaskan yang demikian itu) supaya kamu jangan berduka cita terhadap apa yang luput dari kamu, dan supaya kamu jangan terlalu gembira terhadap apa yang diberikan-Nya kepadamu. Dan Allah tidak menyukai setiap orang yang sombong lagi membanggakan diri."

Allah talked to me! SubhanAllah! I instantly then found peace.

Later when I told my mum about this, she also told me the same thing happened to her when Ammar (my brother) passed away...SubhanAllah..
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Eid Mubarak to my muslim readers. Taqabballahu minna wa minkum.

WW#9: Siblings

2011-08-31T21:06:00.000+08:00

Weaklings

2011-08-26T11:19:00.005+08:00

Ramadhan is coming to an end, Eid is near. Somehow or rather I'm not feeling the raya vibe.. My feeling is more towards grieving over the halt of Ramadhan.. But, mourn-away. Make use of the residual days.

But how can I, if I'm not able to? The plight of a girl.

Not everyone has the same opportunities to acquire things in this life. Some people have wealth, while others are poor. Some people have health, while others are sick. But rest assured, convince yourself, regardless of any status in this life, everyone is still given an equal opportunity to get to the Paradise. Jannah...I realise a lot of muslims around the world is oppressed, or is not as lucky as us over here. MasyaAllah...my heart sinks.. Please pray for our fellow brothers and sisters in Palestine etc,do not turn your back on oppression. Thus im trying to console myself, there are still other things that are pahala-worthy. I can still seek to compete for merit from Allah. There are many other ways.. A lot of other ways..

“Walaupun di dalam perjalanan mencari keredhaan Ilahi itu kita ada kejatuhan,

jangan sesekali berputus asa dan merasa kelemahan.

Sesungguhnya Allah tahu apa yang kamu usahakan.

Terus lagi berusaha.

Nanti bila jatuh lagi, terus naik kembali dan berusaha lagi.

Dan begitulah seterusnya hingga kita mati.

Jangan sesekali berhenti.

Biar belas Ilahi nanti berada di sisi.”

— Hilal Asyraf

“…for Allah never fails in His promise.”

— Al Quran (3:9)

Istiqamah

Fresh kickoff now?

2011-08-25T11:45:00.004+08:00

I am way beyond ecstatic.. I feel great waking up this morning, thought I slept only for an hour (slept at 4am, woke up at 5+) Alhamdulillah,the unexpected became a reality. I didnt know I could pull out the courage to say whats on my mind. But in the end after 3 hours long late night phone conversation with my bestfriend, I am finally at peace.

The best pleasure in life is when you finally get the answer. I mean, you know them all along, but somehow or another, it has to be uttered by someone else. Someone you trust with all your heart. And there is nothing more that I could have than a person who is completely trustworthy, who is ready to listen to you about everything, from the smallest to the biggest thing, and for that, I thank you my bestfriend. You know who you are. Words cant even describe how thankful I am for having you by my side. The only person (apart from my family) that I truly care about also care about me and theres nothing that I could replace it with. Amazing. Alhamdulillah.

It's effortless, the understanding between us. It's just there. No need for explanation,no need for elaboration. no rhetorical questions, no tricks and no bluffs. between us, its all legit.

Im going to explore the sea, inspecting, analyzing, outlining all the different fishes and pick one, the best one that is attractive inside and out. But before that, Im gonna have to prepare myself with all that it takes to go deep under, the oxygen tanks, suits, what to look for etc. Where my bestfriend comes in is where theyre going to help me choose the best oxygen tanks, help me outline the things that I should be looking for in a fish, theres a hell lot of fishes out there, nemo, clownfish, anchovies, whales, dolphins and i ought to settle for something more salmon rather than sardines.

The best thing is, Im never going to know how long will I have to stay under the sea, looking till I find the best one. But while im at it, all I gotta do is enjoy the view, the coral reefs, all the different various fishes there is. Mysterious yet exciting.

What I need to keep in mind is, whenever I feel like drowning or lost, I always have my bestie ready to save and guide me. Thank you Allah for this gift, your blessing. I could never ask for more.

+I feel a sudden urge to wake my bestie up now and make myself annoying hehe. Bestie, lets go on an adventure together! ♥

Eat my flesh then

2011-08-25T00:35:00.005+08:00

I need to write. I was already on my bed (best relationship match there is, my bed and I ♥) reading 2 pages of Linnet Bird, but, words kept popping in my mind, screaming to be let out, that I cant even concentrate, cant focus on what Im reading. Theyre not really words that are of significant importance but rather words that seem to have this real meaning; at least, in my life anyway.

This thing has been bothering me for a couple of weeks, to be honest. It all started when I bursted out something. Legit.

Out came a tweet from myself "I only speak the truth.even if it hurts"

And then came a reply "sincerity has lost its value over the years.ppl chose to hear hypocrisy rather than truth"

Really?

What has this society become into? Hypocrites? Fakes? Liars?

But hey, as hard or just as harsh as it may sound. It's true. The reality spells out drama. But I just cant accept that fact.

Ive grown up in a society where honesty is everything. It speaks through your eyes, people talk bad about you, IN FRONT OF YOU. and Ive grown accustomed to that fact. I dont mind. But since Im being educated at UiTM, I hear a lot of compliments IN FRONT but insults AT THE BACK. quite the contrary, huh.

But seriously people, I dont get it. Do you really want to be lavished in the comfort of lies?

Im not a pretty decent person myself. Sometimes I do talk behind other's back.. Sometimes I do a little of lying. But I feel bad afterwards. There are certain situations where you need to make up your mind, where to place your potential falsehood, plastic face, bodek bodek; and where to be truly honest about your own self.. POlitics is all it takes. But playing dirty wont take you far. Not to the paradise anyway.

If you cant say the truth out loud, then dont pretend to be all goody two shoes when all you do is curse at the back. People may hate you for being so upfront. yes. people dont like being critisized at, condemned. and there are sayings that if you cant say something nice then just shut up. but there are situations when you need to tell the truth, even if the truth hurts.

I personally rather be hit by the truth rather than be comforted with a lie.

"Truth is bitter, but its result is sweet; falsehood appears to be sweet but it is poisonous in its effect" -IslamSpeaks @twitter

WW#8: Mahu kad raya~

2011-08-24T12:46:00.000+08:00

A thousand splendid suns

2011-08-22T21:31:00.003+08:00

I've never made a book review before this, but it's a book so deeply enthralling that I just have to express it out here, to let you readers (if there is any) know how amazing it is. It's a second novel I read written by Khaled Hosseini; the first one being The Kite Runner borrowed from a friend. I should have written a review on that one as well, because it was also a novel worth the reading.

A thousand splendid suns is a story about two women - Mariam and Laila in the Afghan surroundings back during when the Soviets ruled until Mujahideen, and then the Taliban take over the country. What I like about it is how the novel is divided into four parts. The first part focuses exclusively on Mariam, the second and fourth parts focus on Laila, and the third part switches focus between Mariam and Laila with each chapter.

Mariam is an illegitimate daughter who lives with her mother. Her dad Jalil is a wealthy man who lives somewhere else in town with his three wives and nine children. Because Mariam is his illegitimate daughter, she cant live with them but even so, Jalil still visit her every week. On her 15th birthday, Mariam wants her dad to take her to the movies but he didnt show up so she decided to go to the town on her own and meet him. But then he refuses to see her and she ends up sleeping on the porch all night long. Mariam returns home in the morning to find that her mother has killed herself. Jalil then arranges for her to be married to Rasheed a 30 year old shoemaker from Kabul. Mariam becomes pregnant seven successive times, but is never able to carry a child to term, and Rasheed gradually becomes more abusive.

The story continues when Rasheed marries Laila which crosses the path of these two women....and how they learn to live together in one roof, secrets being told, apostate to the act of violence, sharing of love and patience. And how they end up in the end is for me to know and for you to find out. HEHE.

Some quotes I like:

"A society has no chance of success if its women are uneducated..."

"Behind every trial and sorrow that He makes us shoulder, God has a reason."

"Boys, Laila came to see, treated friendship the way they treated the sun: its existence undisputed; its radiance best enjoyed, not beheld directly."

"She is the noor of my eyes and the sultan of my heart."

Grab a copy. Go on, you know you want to ;)

Listen to Him talking to us

2011-08-20T09:56:00.002+08:00

Oh Allah..

I told you: I’m in pain
You said: ‘Do not despair of the mercy of Allaah’ (39:53)

I told you: Nobody knows what is in my heart
You said: ‘Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest’ (13:28)

I told you: Many people hurt me
You said: ‘So pardon them and ask forgiveness for them’ (3:159)

I told you: I feel I’m alone
You said: ‘We are closer to him than [his] jugular vein’ (50:16)

I told you: My sins are so many
You said: ‘And who can forgive sins except Allah?’ (3:135)

I told you: Do not leave me
You said: ‘So remember Me; I will remember you…’ (2:152)

I told you: I’m facing a lot of difficulties in life
You said: ‘And whoever fears Allah – He will make for him a way out’ (65:2)

I told you: I have many dreams that I want to come true
You said: ‘Call upon Me; I will respond to you.’ (40:60)

SubhanAllah! ♥

Credit: rennaissancemuslimah

WW#7: Kecik2 main ni kan!

2011-08-10T23:40:00.000+08:00

The transition period

2011-08-07T10:52:00.007+08:00

I was at the library yesterday. Since it's weekend, there were quite a lot of people, those who came to read, those who came to look around the new library and also those who came to play.

Personally, the library is like my second home. So i kinda dislike the fact that people come there, bring their kids to play hide and seek, tag and chase, panjat2 gelongsor2 here and there. The library is not a playground.

But thats not the reaosn why I wanted to write.

I was asked to fill in this feedback form regarding the new library.

The first question was of course demographic.

I am:

☐ pelajar sekolah

☐ pelajar IPTA/IPTS

☐ kakitangan kerajaan/swasta

Wehey, since Ive just finished my degree and currently waiting for posting, I'm in this transition period where I am no longer "pelajar IPTA" but not yet "kakitangan kerajaan" .. SO, i get to chooose!

Voices playing in my head

"Kalau letak kakitangan kerajaan, nampak mcm matang sikit"

"Letak pelajar IPTA mungkin nampak lebih logic" <--- statement perasan muda

"Agak2 orang percaya tak kalau letak kakitangan kerajaan"

"Masih layakke kalau nak letak pelajar IPTA"

"Tapi dah dapat surat pelantikan"

"Lagipun belum lagi officially graduated. Konvokesyen pun lambat lagi"

*nak jawab questionnaire pun susah sangat*

so I just put myself as ☑ pelajar IPTA/IPTS

The main reason was because I kinda have this thought of "sayang nye nak lepaskan title sebagai student" and change it to "government servant". So I gave myself the chance, the last chance to be a pelajar IPTA. Cuba utk pujuk diri sendiri, nanti dah kerja walaupun bergelar kakitangan tetapi akan tetap lagi pelajar.

Prophet s.a.w had said: "Whoever follows a path in the pursuit of knowledge, Allaah will make a path to Paradise easy for him." (Al-Bukhaari)

Bawak adik2 pergi library, chop tempat kat beanbag

"My Lord! Enrich me with knowledge.." (Quran,Taaha, 20:114)

Where the heart is

2011-08-05T11:15:00.005+08:00

I tried this after seeing Nurul ain's tumblr post .

Keyed in "Mardhiyah" but this came up

mardhiyah is now friends with second floor band · second floor band
mardhiyah is the new administrative support assistant with corporate services in bogor

what the? tak best langsung.

So, then I keyed in "Radhiatul Mardhiyah" and this came up

Sorry, Google doesn't know radhiatul mardhiyah

Lagi sedih T_T

SO, i decided to just put "Mar" instead.

mar is a 3 bedroom oceanfront vacation rental home with
mar is a small coastal town in the region of the
mar is a beautiful home in rocky point and is rented
mar is great
mar is een klein
mar is currently being
mar is a large
mar is een prima
mar is still too darn skinny
mar is truly unique las brisas del mar
mar is a lovely
mar is mу nу mar is lъ an mйid lъbtha atб de dhнth
mar is the perfect spot for an active vacation
mar is right for you
mar is one of the most beautiful resorts of costa rica
mar is situated in the south of the costa brava
mar is two square miles of coastal land best known for its fairgrounds and del mar thoroughbred
mar is not your ordinary race track nor is this an ordinary event
mar is a recipient of the chancellor?s and president?s award for excellence in teaching
mar is situated 35 km from the town of san isidro del general on the pacific coast of costa rica
mar is the place
mar is approximately 854
mar is a premier master
mar is
mar is a san francisco attorney and parent who has taught asian american and ethnic studies at sf state university since 1992
mar is an upscale coastal community that borders newport beach and is known for its breathtaking views of the ocean
mar is a small city in it's own right
mar is headed by james d
mar is at once sophisticated and comfortable
mar is located some 25 km from palma de mallorca
mar is a caribbean classic designed for easy entertaining and comfortable family living
mar is able to offer youth and teens of all ages new activities and challenges each year
mar is now obsolete
mar is ideally situated on the pacific coast of costa rica
mar is a family owned and operated oceanfront resort that combines old
mar is is ideal for corporate or family groups to escape the cup action for a few days
mar is right on the caribbean coast in akumal
mar is a favorite in zancudo
mar is apples and apes
mar is ceart
mar is several miles down pch
mar is a community of sophisticated
mar is up for sale
mar is a small
mar is a village where hospitality reigns
mar is controlled autonomously by the handy board
mar is a first
mar is alleged to have told the business man that since 9/11
mar is a forum for information on the work within the international groundwater community on the management and
mar is a newly constructed 4 bedroom
mar is the perfect oasis for travelers looking
mar is committed to
mar is a great place to take a vacation if you like to go to the beach and relax
mar is in charge of the recreational facilities and the security staff
mar is a small family run guest house which has been in the family for many years
mar is located on the sea of cortez at km 10 on the "corredor turistico"
mar is adjacent to parkland and open space that provide habitat for a myriad of birds
mar is a unique project in costa rica; it has given birth to a new age of sustainable tourism and
mar is owned and operated by the edward thomas company
mar is described in gallйe and schayes
mar is a wonderful discovery located north of san diego via i
mar is also a little piece of paradise for families
mar is different
mar is the ideal spot
mar is one of the best boutique hotels in california
mar is one of the premier beach resorts in california
mar is on the south
mar is known as a "privileged residential community" because the osunas themselves feel privileged to live in such an extraordinary atmosphere
mar is on the northeast caribbean coast of costa rica
mar is next to valparaнso
mar is an elegant luxury oceanfront villa located in exclusive north akumal
mar is researching the issues and providing additional input on the bill
mar is now eligible for one additional nar director
mar is within easy driving distance of the us
mar is about 2 hours south of sf
mar is situated close to the beach and is within walking distance of shopping areas
mar is a non
mar is the only composting toilet company to have our systems produced in an iso
mar is a narrow town with one main thoroughfare
mar is run by a husband / wife team; gonzalo ramirez & his wife
mar is situated only 250 meters off the 5 mile long white sandy beach of playa guiones
mar is something i look forward to every year with tremendous anticipation

HAH! TUDIAAAAAAAAAAAAA! apparently "Mar" is more like some place/house/property. And not described as being human.

Sedih lagi T_T

But looking at the brighter side (NAK SEDAPKAN HATI,OK),boleh la juga jadikan sebagai analogi. I'm like a house. Everyone needs a house, right?? A place to live in, functions as a shelter against the heat, rain, you sleep in it, eat, changes clothes, shower, poo, pee, a place you can do a lot of stuff comfortably. A place where families gather,do stuff together, that's why a house is called a home.Home sweet home.or, Mar sweet Mar. HEHE. Kesian kat hobo tepi2 jalan, tidur atas cardboard, comot2, takde rumah kan? Makanya, memang penting la rumah ni atau pun let me structurise balik ayat tu, memang penting la Mar ni.

MWAHAHA

dan juga Mar is being described as lovely, great, wonderful discovery, perfect spot for vacation, right one for you, and something you would look forward to.

MWAHAHA lagi. I'm flattered.

meluat tak? HAHA

Okeyla. cukup2 la tu. Try "Radhi" pulak (because this is what I was called by back in primary school). and one of the result ....

radhi is oag isn't it?

T_T

Rumah yang ada sekarang cuma rumah teres satu tingkat tapi diri ini sangat bersyukur kerana punya rumah yang didiami oleh umi ayah dan juga adik2, tak pernah sunyi, tak pernah lekang dengan gelak ketawa senda jenaka. Kadangkala hati inginkan rumah yang lebih luas dan selesa, tapi hanya mampu menunggu masa. Bersyukur dengan apa yang ada.

My dream house taklah sebesar mana pun, bukan berupa mahligai atau istana tapi cukuplah kalau sesiapa nak bagi sebiji macam ni

Takdela, memain je. Tapi WAJIB ada bilik macam ni :

I have a dream of putting up a library for myself and my children and grand children. My dream home library is something spacious, shelves on the wall, the light is bright enough, with a comfy couch or beanbag. I think it would be best if the couch is like a lazyboy by the window sill. YES THIS IS MY DREAM

“Oh Allah, In this very blessed month, open for me the doors of the heavens and lock the doors of hell from me.”

WW#6: Currently reading

2011-08-03T14:50:00.000+08:00

Count your blessings

2011-08-03T13:36:00.001+08:00

Recieved this in my email this morning,thought it would be worth the share.

If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep … you are richer than 75% of this world.

If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace… you are among the top 8% of the world’s wealthy.

If you woke up this morning with more health than illness… you are more blessed than the million who will not survive this week.

If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation…you are ahead of 500 million people in the world.

If you can pray in a masjid without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death … you are more blessed than three billion people in the world.

If your parents are still alive and still married … you are very rare.

If you hold up your head with a smile on your face and are truly thankful… you are blessed because the majority can, but most do not.

If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you, and furthermore, you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world who cannot read this message at all.

Have a good day, count your blessings to Thank Allah Azzawajal, and pass this along to remind everyone else how blessed we all are. Alhumdulillah!

Indeed, His Creations are The Best, as He Is The Best of all Creators.

Before you look at the thorn of the rose, look at its beauty.

Before you complain about the heat of the sun, enjoy its light.

Before you complain about the darkness of the night, think of its peace & quiet.

Take all blessings and accept them graciously, praise God for them.

WW#5: Let's get readddddyyyy!

2011-07-27T10:13:00.006+08:00

Danger level

2011-07-24T09:45:00.006+08:00

I'm about to confess something about myself. Something ugly, disgusting, filthy that resides in me, that I cant seem to dispose off no matter how hard i put my effort in. Or maybe I didnt really put my best effort.

I procrastinate. Know what it means? It means putting things off to the very last minute. Everything is last minute. Not sometimes. Not once in a while.But ALL THE TIME. so at last its going to end up being in rush rush rush. And one thing about me is that I HATE RUSHING. How ironic.

I consistently avoid the things that I need to be doing and deliberately look for distractions which is, unfortunately never fail to turn up and ALWAYS there. I always tell myself I work best under pressure but I'm starting to realise that this is just one of the many lies i tell to myself. Ive been tracking down the various reasons why I'm like this, and mostly it's because of laziness, lack of motivation and discipline. Most of the time it's just my laziness.. my major problem. I'm pretty much organized but when it comes to time management, i fail.

I always tell myself, if u want to start something why wait, might as well do it now. sometimes it works for some tasks but other times it dies off.. like blerghhhh.. Sometimes, even when I'm hungry I tell myself "satlagi ah gi makan" and I let myself starve. I'm starting to think that I maybe suffering from a psychological disorder or mental problem related to this.. I dont know.. I worry but I dont anything to solve it -___-"

Why am I making this entry? Because this morning I realise that it's Sunday and I've got one more week to finish my tailor works, Ive promised to finish the baju kurungs before puasa and I realise there's 2 more kain ela that I need to work on, that doesnt include my sisters and own designs. Got this checklist but half of them is unchecked yet T_T

And to make things worse, I mean, to make me feel worse, I checked my phone this morning when I woke up and it says "unregistered sim" which means my celcom service has been disconnected. DArn it. I put off paying the bills with the reason that I need the money for something else. It wouldnt bother me that much if that celcom number is not important but thats the only number that everyone knows of! I mean, i use that number for formal purposes and also informal ones. And now, ppl cant reach me if I dont pay my bills to get the service connected back again.

I feel really bad right now I wanna kill myself @___________@ I need help people, like seriously. I really dont know what to do with this part of me T_T

Careless heart

2011-07-21T16:43:00.003+08:00

I don't like this feeling of being weak. Sometimes I feel like I'm crazy for wanting something so unattainable. Crazy. And childish. Sometimes, I'm disgusted with myself.

But I never cease to question myself, "why you?"

No one can answer that. You just popped into my mind one day and decide to stay in my heart.I wish I can purge you out. The heart never learns as it plays by its own rules. I wish it wasn't so. No one can know, because it'd be embarrassing. And because I can't have you, I resolve to keep on moving, to keep on running. Maybe I'll busy myself so that there is no chance to think about you. Bury myself in search of earthly transient fulfillment in my budding hobbies or anywhere that I'm sure you are not there.

Because I just can't accept that I let the heart to be so loose that it could be broken by just anyone. This is absolutely unacceptable.

So what now?

Nothing.

Maybe because the things in your heart, while its still in your heart, it is still valuable and safe. But once you let it out, then things are not yours to control anymore. Remember this quote,

"Love is like a game of cards, if they know what cards you're playing then they control how the game would end"

Brent Kutzle why cant you be mine? SObs

WW#4: Sem 6 craziness.Pic taken by my friend

2011-07-20T17:24:00.004+08:00

The magic lives forever

2011-07-15T10:21:00.004+08:00

I watched HP yesterday. On its opening day! Harus lah kan. Kata pun die hard fan. And all that I could say is it is so blardy awesome! It was worth the everything!! And i even felt like watching it again! Next week most probably. Not on weekends, definitely, a big no. I laughed, I cried, I get excited and anxious all in the same movie, then nights before that dah tengok part 1 sambel makan megi tapi tetap i get all emotional. sobs. I guess the impact on me is too big. why?

Because it defines my childhood. Eh, actually, not my childhood. muda sangat tuh. kalau childhood aku reti bace komic Anak-Anak Sidek je. Start baca Harry Potter masa form 1 so it defines my teenagehood, really. Time baca dah lepas umur 11 tahun so takdelah sedih sangat bile birthday yg ke-11 tak dapat acceptance letter from Hogwarts...Buuttt, Ive grown up reading the books and after finishing it, anxiously waiting for the next book to come out. Loved the books sampaikan simpan koleksi buku2 Harry Potter dalam almari bercermin.. My prized possession. Aku baca HP tak ingat makan, sebelum tido HP, bgn tido terus HP. Atas katil bawah comforter tak bergerak with newly bought HP book in hand. Kadang2 sampai kena marah ngan mak sebab tak turun makan. Tak sampai seminggu dah boleh habis satu buku. Lepas tu menangis kenapa cepat sangat habis. Sedih gila aku dulu-dulu.

Kalau tengok movie, selalu marah kenapa scene ni takde kenapa scene tu takde, kenapa macam lain sikit dari yang kat dalam buku nye. Tapi duk tengok jugak berulang2 kali sampai dah boleh hafal skrip. Kalau orang laen tgk movie, mulut sibuk nak bercerita the story behind the scene lah ape laa..

Elok la HP ni dah habis. Kalau tak sampai ke tua aku perangai sama je. Biarla apa orang nak cakap macam budak2 je bace Harry Potter, tgk cter die. Yang pasti aku tahu buku2 HP, the theme, jalan citer berubah ikut umur.. HP la yg ajar aku mana letaknya kawan, tak semua yg kita nampak baik depan, baik belakang jugak. Kalau nak cter psl life lessons learnt from HP, boleh buat lagi satu entry .. Haha.

Apapun, sedih HP dah habis. I delayed reading the last book because I had a hard time accepting the fact that that is the last book and no more HP after that. Only because the movie nak keluar dah that I had to buy the book, and read the story. I remember reading it at umah sewa Puncak Alam. At that time I was alone (SKP) but I never really was alone because HP accompanied me, sobs :'-)

Sedih but at the same time happy jugak cuz I've been a part of the magical era of HP. 10 years plus dude... There's really nothing else comparable to this.. LOTR? It's good, I love it too, but not comparable to HP. Narnia? Naaaaaaaaaaaahh.. I got one whole set of Narnia fiction and read them all tapi tak sikit pun best mcm HP. Promotional banners of HP, stop saying that its going to end, because for me, it will never end. I will carry this story and the lessons taught throughout the rest of my life, I will even hand down the books to my children and my children will hand them down to their children and so on.. They might not understand it the way I do right now. But hey thats ok. The Potter generation is never the same now and in the future.

p/s: Pernah kena marah "Semangat sgt bace HP, kalau la baca HP macam bace Al-Quran, kan lagi bagus" Panngggggg, terkena di situ.. Tapi ada betul juga kata-kata itu. T_T

WW#3: That's what you call a watermelon

2011-07-13T11:45:00.000+08:00

WW#2: Crave

2011-07-06T19:20:00.001+08:00

Blood sweat and tears

2011-06-27T22:43:00.009+08:00

Message dari bestfriend bila di tanya ape yg beliau sedang lakukan: "Tgh baca thesis"

Tersentak saya. Rajin. tapi saya masih merasa pelik. Lalu bertanya "Kenapa kena baca thesis?"

Beliau menjawab "Takdela kena baca, ttbe terasa nak baca, rindu plak"

Rindu katanya. Wah. Setelah selesai research or final year project saya tak pernah sekali pun nak rindu pada research. Tetapi bila dengar teman baik saya ni cakap dia rindu, secara tak langsung saya pun ttbe terasa rindu juga. Terimbas kembali saat2 pahit dan manis kenangan research.

List of plans and actions done.

"Our Lord, Pour out on us patience and constancy and make us die as those who have surrendered ourselves to you"

Tapi sempat lagi ada kata2 pemberi semangat. Sangat penting kerana saat2 begini semangat sangat rapuh dan selalu rasa mahu menangis.

Saat2 daku yang paling indah, paling gembira, paling bahagia. Hanya tuhan saja yang tahu.

Sample yang telah diextract mengeluarkan peak pada interface HPLC.

One of the steps to prepare sample. We call this step "merry-go-round"

Yours truly, behind her laptop yang telah banyak berjasa utk saya analyse result dan siapkan thesis.

Dan juga nasi lemak lavender dan kuih kapit mima menjadi pengisi perut ketika lapar

Ini researchmate saya. Nama dia Apis. Walaupun kadangkala dia agak annoying dan masa memula kenal ingat macam rempit tapi bila dah selalu spend time bersama dia dalam lab, dapat kenal dia dgn lebih dalam ternyata dia ini adalah seorang yang sangat baik hati. Rindu kat kau lah apis. Aku doakan kau cepat2 kawen ngn mas yang cantik.

See people, It was hard. those times when I was doing my final year project. those times that I had to stay in the lab, extracting my sample, tedious steps...Those times when HPLC was my bestfriend. I hated those times. I cried a lot. I cried but I swept away my tears afterwards and gained back my energy, my spirit. I moved on. And in the end...

Alhamdulillah. When you've put your blood, tears and sweat into something. When it's finally finished, the feeling is just..... undescribable... You gain a lot of pleasurable experiences.. and not so pleasure ones. You learn life's important lessons. You grow up. This is just a short final year project (2 semesters). I wonder how it feels like for a 4-year PhD.

Just one of the things that I used to hate but now I miss. To dear juniors: Put in your best into your FYP no matter how much you hate it. No matter how hard it is.

Thanks to all members of PROMISE lab. My research supervisor Dr Teh. My lovely Kak Wani who helped me at the most, Abg ikhwan, Abg Rahimi, Abg Yong..Kak Naz..Kak Lisa..and all the names that I forgot to mention...THANKS ... Journal club rocks!

Basuh kereta dan terbang

2011-06-26T12:40:00.004+08:00

Hari yang bermatahari (apa translation untuk sunny day?) sangat sesuai untuk membasuh kereta. Kereta saya yang tidak berbasuh berminggu minggu hanya bermandikan hujan dan debu kelihatan sangat comot nak bawa pun tak ada selera. Tapi, terima kasih teman kerana mengajak saya basuh kereta kalau tak memang sangat pemalas nak bawak basuh kereta sorang2.

Tapi selepas kereta telah berkilat (harap-harap tak hujan. kalau tak, hujan tak berhenti dalam hati) seperti mahu terbang pula.

Kenapa?

She is the culprit >>> YOWAYOWACAMERA

I heard of this amazing lady from LangkawiInk *check him out, cool photos*

Her levitating photos are awe to the some !! I feel like wanting to levitate myself, fly high and reach for the sky.

Watch you waste away

You were born to shine but left behind

Slowly fade to grey

Yet, you say you are fine but up here you're up high

How could you believe that you done wrong

You don't believe in yourself

So reach for the sky,

I would pick you up if I could

Open your eyes,

I would pick you up if I could

Listen to the sound

Of your days passing by while you live a lie

Watch you turn around

Watch you say "Goodbye" while there's no reply

Then I saw your face, you're left alone

But you're not alone, you're not alone, you're not alone

***

OHSEM rigggghhhttt? Setuju cepat.

#nowplaying Reach for the sky by Secondhand Serenade

Nice guys finish last

2011-06-25T21:23:00.009+08:00

So, I was watching this video on youtube (nigahiga is awesome, subscribe to his videos and he wont disappoint you). Rasa terpanggil untuk mengomel sikit pasal "nice guys finish last" ni. It's quite a common thing jugakla benda ni, dulu pun masa di bangku sekolah, jika anda perempuan, tipu lah kalau anda cakap anda tak terjatuh hati pada lelaki yang lebih gangster. Lelaki yang senyap, innocent, muka mcm baik memang tak pandang la kan. Yang lebih di gila-gilakan adalah lelaki yang upfront, berterus terang dan nampak lebih konfiden, those who dont tuck in their shirts, has their collar up and often called by the school counsellor. Selalunya lelaki mcmtu yg lebih diberi perhatian tak bukan? dan lelaki2 yang buat hal sendiri di biarkan sendiri.

Lets face this: MOST women are attracted to power, and sorry to say this, but bad guys fits perfectly. Nice guys are those who bring roses to a date, try to buy us affections through chocolates, presents and all those fancy things. They think they know romance, but they come-on too strong , or too fast , and really , instead of appreciating the women, nice guys usually WORSHIP them. They had to give in to everything the women say, rarely speak up because of fearing that it might cause a conflict which results in the end of the relationship. SO, instead of REALLY loving the woman, it seeeeems to me that, this kind of guy ACTUALLY NEEDS HER. Dan, lelaki yang begini biasanya akan nampak lebih kekok dan berpura-pura. Bad guys vs nice guys. 1-0.

Dude, it's a major turn off.

Dont worry though, jika anda merupakan nice guys yang punya ciri2 seperti yang saya telah jelaskan diatas. Anda masih punya ruang di hati2 gadis. Mungkin anda berfikiran seperti "sweeet dowh bagi bunga bagi chocolate, romantic pe", "kamu lah ratu dalam sanubari, tanpa kamu hidupku tak berseri" Mungkin ramai perempuan yang sukakan lelaki sebegini.

But according to my observation , it's true, MOST women have a tendecy to be attracted to bad guys probably because nice guys are easily manipulated. Senang sangat dipijak2 kepala nya. Ikut je apa yang perempuan nak.. Busan kata mereka. Ini kata mereka, bukan kata saya. Dan bukan semua perempuan begini. Note: Attracted here doesnt necessarily mean being in a relationship or having experiencing things with these bad guys, but just simply attracted. Just like when you guys are attracted to pretty women.

Tapi, sebenarnya, in the end, when maturity kicks in, when it's time to settle down, these nice guys are really the ones who women want to marry. Not those who misbehave, uses bad languages, breaking rules etcetera. Even me, I dont like bad guys. Not those who are too nice either. Really... it has to be balanced. You dont have to be those bad guys to be accepted by women. You dont have to be those arrogant, ego head jerks who think they are bad ass that every girl swoons over. And you dont have to impress and give yourself in to women just because you want to win their heart. I guess well, you just have to LIKE yourself... know what you want in life and go after it. Only then you will seem like the most "right" person to be with , well , to us women who actually look after long term relationship. I dont have experience being in a relationship (only once or twice) or whatever but one thing for sure is that we dont need good looks or over attention, we just need security.

Thinking twice. Actually, the rule goes for both gender. But it's a matter of our own taste actually. And taste itself is a very subjective topic...

p/s: no offence, none taken.

p/p/s: and if it happens that you're the nice guys who get offended, watch the video first. my point REALLY isnt to support the statement of "nice guys finish last"

Ultimate fact of life

2011-06-24T14:21:00.001+08:00

Entry khusus buat si penghantar email. If you're reading this, you know who you are.

Tak semua benda yang kita nak dalam dunia ni, kita akan dapat kan. Kehendak tu ada dalam semua, kehendak yang buat kita fikir, tapi tak cukup dengan fikir, pasti kena take action juga. Apa yang kita buat semua sebenarnya reflect balik pada kehendak dalam diri kita. Kita nak handphone baru, kita start kumpul duit dari sekarang. Kita lapar pukul 12 tengah2 malam perut meronta, pergi dapur godek fridge cari apa yang ada. Kita tak tahu jalan penyelesaian,buntu, kita cari telinga tempat untuk mengadu. Pendek kata kita cuba untuk penuhi semua kehendak diri.

Tapi, apa yang kita buat tak semestinya akan diterima dengan baik oleh orang di sekeliling kita.

"Babe, dalam hidup ni, kita tak boleh harap sangat pujian" Suara sahabat dari tiga tahun dulu masih lagi terngiang di benak fikiran.

Aku tak harap pujian pun, tapi at least tolong la hargai sekecil-kecil perkara yang aku buat, kalau tak dapat penghargaan pun, sekurang-kurangnya janganlah perkecilkan usaha aku. Aku rasa dalam dunia ni , susah nak cari orang yang akan sentiasa boleh hargai kita dan menyokong kita. Kalau ada pun, tak banyak.Dalam fikiran aku, mula terbayang muka-muka insan yang sentiasa menghargai dan menyokong aku. Bersyukur, kerana masih punya mereka.

Teringat semula kata2 sumpah seranah caci maki penghantar email dua tiga hari yang lalu. Dan suara-suara pun mula bermain2 dalam fikiran aku.

Suara 1: TAPI TAPI TETAPI, aku tak suka bila orang mula merendahkan kita, aku tahu apa yang aku buat tak lah sempurna mana, aku tak boleh terima, sangat annoying. Mengeluh lagi.

Suara 2: Life is cruel, sebenarnya tak boleh salah kan hidup juga. Hidup tu tak cruel. Orang yang buat hidup itu jadi cruel. orang memang suka condemn sana sini. Diorang lagi suka cari keburukan tapi abaikan kebaikan yang ada pada kita, memang macam tu, ini reality. And they won't stop doing it. Bukan senang nak bangkit, lagi-lagi kalau berkali-kali tersungkur dan orang sekeliling perkecilkan apa yang kita ada, apa yang kita usahakan. Yang penting kita teruskan je dengan apa yang kita buat, do your best, yang lain tu, biar Tuhan tentukan. Tuhan dah jadikan semua orang ada kelebihan dan kekurangan, perfect in imperfections. Sebab Dia nak kita belajar bersyukur dengan apa yang kita ada, dan usaha lebih untuk atasi kekurangan kita, ini hidup namanya. Tak ada benda senang untuk semua orang. Lain orang, lain kekuatan.

Suara 1: TAPI TAPI TETAPI ,aku tak suka bila orang sekeliling nampak kelemahan, bukan kekuatan aku.

Suara 2: Ya, fitrah manusia memang mcmtu. Mereka ada tendency untuk cari kelemahan kita. Nampak je satu, terus diperbesar-besarkan. Sebab tu kau tak boleh harap tinggi sangat dari diorang, but at the same time, diri kau sendiri kena jadi optimistic, optimis dengan diri sendiri.

Aku tahu, aku tak nak harapkan sangat apa-apa dari orang lain. At the end of the day, this is my life, aku yang patut take control. Cuba untuk kuat semangat. Kau tahu kelebihan dan kekurangan kau sendiri. Buat apa nak dengar apa orang cakap. Abaikan. Orang memang akan cari kelemahan dan hentam kau dari macam-macam sudut.

They won't stop doing it

But dont let them stop you.

Kosong

2011-06-23T20:07:00.001+08:00

...terasa seperti tidak ada apa-apa. Kosong.

Nak bercakap pun, seperti tiada apa yg bagus untuk dikongsikan.

..perasaan kosong bukanlah sesuatu yang pelik. Banyak je yang berperasaan serupa.

So kenapa la tulis kan? Habiskan masa saja.

Kosong, tapi semacam ada rasa untuk diisi dengan sesuatu.

Rasa hati yang kosong menandakan jiwa yang kontang jugakah?

Seperti bumi yang dilimpahi sinar matahari terlalu lama hingga merekah tanahnya. Sikit saja diusik, tanah itu roboh kerana ia rapuh.

Kenapa mencari jauh-jauh untuk simbahan rahmat yang menyejukkan?

Tiada ditempat lain.

Cuma,

Dongaklah keatas, tadahlah tangan.

Itu saja.

Wordless Wednesday #1

2011-06-22T12:44:00.003+08:00

Another couple of days

2011-06-15T10:14:00.003+08:00

Wow dah 15 june. Cepat nye. Bukan ke haritu baru je masuk 1 june? Awat dah 15 jun ni ? Ke aku yang salah tgk calender? Serious. Rasa mcm tak percaya dah setengah bulan. Apa ni apa ni apa niiiiiiiiiiii????

Sebenarnya, hati mungkin lebih tak percaya pada 2 hari yang akan dtg. 17 june. Tarikh yang menggelisahkan lubuk jiwa, buat malam2 ku tidur tak lena, dan berat badan yang merisaukan minda. Aku rasa berat badan aku dah turun <---- ayat yang paling ditakuti oleh insan bernama Mardhiyah. Makan banyak mana pun, kalau otak fikiran asyik risau, serabut dgn macam2 hal keduniaan, tetap juga takkan memberi kesan pada pendepositan lemak2 terhasil di bahagian2 badan yang terpilih. Lemak2 terkumpul pun dah terbakar dengan kadar metabolisma badan yang sangat cepat dek kerana terlalu banyak berfikir. Bak kata seorng teman, saya ni berfikir terlalu dalam. Sejujurnya, saya memang risaukan kalau berat badan menurun. Seolah2 badan saya sedang memberontak, tak mahu menggunakan segala khasiat yang telah saya berikan (atau yang telah saya sumbatkan) , saya tak sukakan keadaan diri yang terlalu kurus. Nak check berat kat shopping complex, tetapi teman sering beritahu, mesin berat badan di merata2 shopping complex sangat menipu.. deceiving. tapi kalau kat rumah punya, semua orang kecik besar kurus atau gemuk tetap berat akan jadi 10kg, no more no less. Sah2 lagi menipu.

Ish, Mardhiyah. how ungrateful.

Berbalik pada pertengahan bulan june. Lagi 2 hari , i repeat, lagi 2 hari results final exam akan keluar! Wah bila fikir, results ni la yang akan menentukan berapa cGPA. results ni la yang akan menentukan dalam kategori atau class mana aku akan graduate nnt... results ini juga yang akan menentukan cepat dan lambatnya permulaan kerja sebagai provisionally registered pharmacists PRP. Ada perasaan diri yang memberitahu jangan terlalu tinggi berharap utk result exam kali ni..dup dap dup dap. eh, bukan patutnye bunyi lub dap lub dap kan.

Apapun, aku pasrah sehabis mungkin. Tapi,

Perasaan ingin mengkhabarkan berita gembira pada umi dan ayah tetap lagi ada. berkobar.

bila mardhiyah berbohong

2011-06-05T20:10:00.005+08:00

Salah satu perlakuan manusia yang keji adalah menipu. Bohong. Walaupun saya tak dapat nak bezakan tipu dan bohong, saya rasa keduanya bawa maksud yang sama ; bercakap benda yang tak betul tak kisah la ape niatnya. Tapi tak payah la kot nak berjela panjang, rasa nya semua orang pun tahu kan ape maksud nye. TAPI TAPI TAPI : walaupun kita ngaku menipu ni amalan yang tak mulia, tapi kita buat jugak kan. betul tak betul tak. kalau kau cakap tak betul kau memang penipu sejati.

TAPI TAPI TETAPI, kalau nak bersangka baik, mungkin manusia menipu atas sebab2 tertentu. tapi tak mustahil gak kalau manusia menipu sebab sengaja suka2 macamtu. takpelah, tupai sekarang memang pandai melompat, seboleh2 nye taknak jatuh ke tanah. Aku ni kadang jadi tupai gak, walaupun, aku seekor tupai yang pathetic. sebab aku tak pandai lompat. bila nak lompat je mesti jatuh balik, lepas tu kena gelak.

So, aku ni tupai malas nak melompat, banyak sangat effort kena buat, jadi better lagi jalan kat tanah secara jujur.

TAPI TAPI TETAPI, pernah ada situasi di mana kadang2 aku akan melompat jugak.

Situasi 1 : Melepak bersama rakan2 di bilik perbincangan fakulti. Kitorng duduk atas kerusi yang boleh pusing2 tu. Ada member datang, dia pun duduk atas salah satu kerusi yang kosong tapi mungkin nasib dia tak baik, lalu kerusi tu pun patah dan tergolek2 dia jatuh.

Dalam keadaan mcmtu, orang lain dah tergelak, die pun tersenyum malu, saya dengan spontannya akan berkata "Kerusi tuh confirm skru patah tuh, kita pun dulu pernah kena jugak, tapi masa tu lagi teruk, sebab keliling kita budak2 asasi semua tengah study, kita main2 ngn kerusi tuh ttbe PRAPPPP kite terjatuh. sakit gila bontot kita time tuh tapi kita gelak je"

Nampak tak nampak tak? Mane pernah aku jatuh kerusi mcm budak tadi tapi aku tanpa berfikir aku menipu bercerita dengan ekspresi muka mcm real je aku pun pernah experience jatuh kerusi.

Situasi 2 : Aku kat meja makan sama dengan makcik , cousin2 perempuan dan mak aku tengah sembang2. Aku plak time tuh memang tengah lapar, jadi dah 3 keping roti canai aku sumbat (YAP saya ulangi 3 KEPING). Cousin aku sorng ney badan berisi sikit la, mungkin double size aku. Kitorang memang dah rapat jadi sepatutnye bila bercakap takde dah isu2 nak sensitif, nak terasa ke. Cakap pun main lepas je. Tibe2 my auntie pun cakap "mardhiyah kalau makan 3 keping pun takpe, badan maintain lagi, tak macam ni haa, minum milo jer, tapi badan besa"

Aku pun melompat la time nih "Makcikkkkkk, saya sebolehnya nak badan macam die ni haaa, tak suka la kalau kurus mcm sy sekarang nih"

Dalam hati, mak aih, jangan laaa mulut aku masin time neh.

Nampak tak nampak tak? Berat paling sanggup aku pegi pun 50kg, sekarang 47kg. lebih dari 50kg tak sanggup kot.

Situasi 3 : Ini situasi yg terjadi baru2 ni, 4 june 2011 (Gerik, Perak) adik lelaki saya telah selamat ditunangkan. Alhamdulillah. But the downside, makin banyak laaaaah soalan2 panas pisang goreng yang ditujukan utk saya yang masih single nih.

"Kakak nye bila pulak""

"Dah ade boyfriend ke belum"

"Tak kisah ke kena langkah bendul"

Lalu dengan spontannye saya jawab "Takpelaaah saya tak kisah pun adik saya nak kahwin dulu, biarlah dia dah jumpa kekasih hati, dah lama kenal lagi, baguslah buat apa nak tunggu lama2, saya ni boyfriend nnt ade rezeki adela tuh kot, kahwin tak nak pikir lagi, kerja dulu kumpul duit nak bagi kat mak"

Tapi dalam hati..... (SOB SOB SOB) Nampak tak nampak tak? Sedikit sebanyak bila orang selalu tanya, jadi rimaaassss. Pressure pressure. Ada la risau jugak sikit. Sikit la. Walaupun selalu yakinkan diri, masanya akan tiba bila kita betul2 dah bersedia, biarlah apa orang nak kata.

Siakap senohong gelama ikan duri, bercakap bohong lama lama mencuri.

Nak curi hati sapa eh HAHA

It's not over yet

2011-05-24T20:43:00.001+08:00

I'm sorry.
I'm supposed to get over this but it lingers in my mind.
It's kinda like when you get bitten by a cat until you bleed...sometimes, you wonder where is that damned cat now?
Before, you played with the cat, loving it as your own friend. So you can't really fathom why it bit you. But it did. And you cried.
You reminisce the good times, sometimes smiling at the thought. But then the questions resurface, and then you were taken back to what made you leave the cat. It was no good for you and you have to let it go.
Somehow.
.
.
.
I think that that person really wanted to push me away from the beginning, that is why all the things said and done is inconclusive, confusing and vague.
A passive aggressive stance of manipulative fighting: push things so high up that the person would fall without you actually tipping them off the edge. Guilt-free. No visible blood on your hands. But it's there. Believe me, you're soaked in it.
But as soaked as you are, I am the one falling and hitting the ground.
People say, "Hey, you are strong and I think you'll be alright"
I hate that, actually.
So what? Does that mean I deserve and should swallow it whole?
...don't go preaching me about destiny, or I'll punch you in the face.
.
.
.
But yes, I know I'll be alright. No doubt about that.

Satu fakta tentang mardhiyah yang aku rindu

2011-05-17T21:41:00.005+08:00

Title seolah2 memberitahu bahawa "Mardhiyah" dan "aku" adalah dua orang berbeza. Tapi, sebenarnya, tetap orang yang sama, kerana aku adalah insan yang bernama Mardhiyah, cuma, mahu mengatakan di sini mungkin, MArdhiyah yang dulu dan juga yang sekarang mungkin sudah jauh berbeza.

Kenapa?

Tadi saja baca balik entry2 lama. yap, aku memang suka nak teringat balik kisah lame, cerita2 dulu, sengaja la konon nak hidupkan balik memori lama, orang lain mungkin dengan cara mereka sendiri, tapi cara aku adalah dengan baca balik entry2 dulu, huwaaaa terus jadi emo dan sentimental. Sumpah, terus terang dari hati yang jujur dan ikhlas aku cakapkan, aku sangat rindukan waktu dulu. Cuba cakap , siapa yang tak rindu?

Dari dulu lagi bila sedih, aku jarang nak layan perasaan sangat. Ada orang suka nak layan perasaan sedih tu, bila sedih, tengok cerita sedih, dengar lagu sedih. Tak salah pun. Masing2 dengan cara masing2 la kan. Tapi, aku, aku lebih suka lawan balik perasaan sedih tu, dengan cara yang contradict. Aku buat benda2 yang menggembirakan hati>> bagi orang, kenapa nak tipu diri sendiri? Kenapa nak lari dari realiti. Kau tengah sedih, buat la cara sedih, kenapa nak berpura2 gembira, tapi dalam hati berjurai air mata? Tapi aku ni manusia ada degil dalam perilaku nya, bagi aku luka itu lebih sakit jika dicubit2, dan, bukan ke itu namanya mendera?

Cara aku melawan semula , kalau dulu , aku ada hobi yang satu. BAca novel. Ya sangat typical. Tapi aku tak suka novel2 melayu jiwang. Oh tidakkkk, tidak sama sekali. Rak buku aku kat dalam bilik tu, penuh dengan novel2 berupa epic dan adventure. Enid Blyton, Sidney Sheldon, JK rowling, CS Lewis, Dave Pelzer, Virginia Andrews, Charles Dickens, Charlotte Bronte, Jane Austen, JRR Tolkien dan yang sama waktu dengannya. *Bajetla tuh baca novel2 english je, novel melayu tak nak layan haha papepun, aku percaya ini negara demokrasi, peh* Kalau nak list lagi, aku patut tukar title entry ni jadi "Penulis2 novel yang aku kagumi". But you get the idea. Dulu aku rasa, cara aku untuk lari dari realiti ialah dengan masuk dalam hidup orang lain. Hidup orang lain yang direka cipta untuk jadi lebih menarik dari hidup sendiri. Terus terang aku katakan, dengan cara ni, aku akan terus lupakan apa yang sedang berlaku dalam hidup sendiri. Lega.

Sebernanya, aku nak cerita, aku rindu dengan aku yang dulu ni. Baca novel sampai tak ingat makan. Sekarang ni, makan je yang paling aku ingat. HAha. Aku rindu nak baca balik novel2, dulu, mak ayah adik2 cukup tahu, aku kalau baca novel, jangan diganggu. Sedang aku mengadap buku bagaikan bercakap dengan tunggul kayu. Sebelum tidur, wajib dan perlu baca sekurang2nya satu chapter. Novel tebal 500 muka surat tulisan kecil2 aku boleh habiskan dalam masa 3 hari, sekarang, buku cerita 10 muka surat tulisan besar2 pun aku tak pernah habis. Uhuks. Mane perginya Mardhiyah yang dulu? RInduuuuuuuuu owwwwwwwhhhh..

Mungkin ,cuti ni, boleh start dengan novel pemberian seorang rakan : IZzati Abdul Halim Zaki. *Thank you* Tajuk: Tending Roses by Lisa Wingate, dari dulu lagi nak start, tapi alasan selalu kerana masa tak cukup. Sekarang ni masa dah lebih dari cukup, at least, sebelum tidur tu bolehlah selak se page dua..Haha, kita tunggu dan lihat, apakah ini cuma angan2 untuk menghidupkan semula hobi yang lama,...

Stale being stagnant

2011-05-16T16:07:00.005+08:00

I decided today that I am tired of waiting for things to happen. I think to increase the probability of something happening, we actually have to force and put ourselves into the situation. Yes, in the back of my mind I think my life is a little boring. Boring, as in stagnant. Like the lake. And I just can't stand it any longer. I want to flow like the river so today I let everything out, spoke my mind instead of waiting for it to resolve on its own. And alhamdulillah, it worked out well in the end. No longer have to hope, because faith is nearby. I mean, hope is good, in a way. But it sure drains you out...

Looking into another part of my life, I want to find my potential, put the seed under the sun and rain so that it'll grow into full bloom..

That is why I am taking the little but sure steps towards change. For me I get sick of waiting around pretending it doesn't hurt. I don't think that one person can change your whole life just like that, you have to do most of the work yourself. Well, it is after all my life. I cant wait around for something that is hidden in the days to come. If it comes one fine day knocking on your door, just let it in. Until then, fill in your minutes and seconds with memories that will sustain you.

Sick of all the insincere is true. I only have time for the real thing. So if you want to join me, I really appreciate the company.

Oh and have I mentioned yet? I have got a new toy to fill my stagnant times : a sewing machine. How cool? Ive always wanted to be able to sew my own baju kurung, dresses, skirts and blouses, and this holiday, I wanna make that dream a reality :)

Booo, I see you

2011-05-15T22:43:00.007+08:00

:: Start of entry meluat ::

Im starting to feel like being too transparent isnt a good thing at all. Even to someone close to you. By transparent here I mean, other people knows what you're thinking, they can read your emotion without you having to explain extensively. Whether you're down in the dumps or when you're on top of the world or whether you're deeply thinking about something. At first, I thought oh wow so amazing, someone understands me non-verbally, this way, i dont have to say anything and explain. Good thing, right?? So easy, because there's that silent understanding between the two people, and the quicker things can resolve.

But then, when it happens several times, i'm starting to feel annoyed. Why the hell am i that transparent?! I get angry at myself for letting other people know what I'm feeling. Am i really that honest, and that my every emotions show up on my face and even on my text messages? Sheeesh, man... Well, I guess it's a good thing>>> TO CERTAIN PEOPLE that is. if youre meant to hide certain emotion from certain people, this certainly isnt a good thing. trust me, when things like this happen, everything is revealed, eventually... which means youve failed to keep it hidden. that so called secret emotion or secret thought...Secrets exposed are not secrets anymore.

I feel like I have to take action from here, by that, I mean, probably to change a little of myself. Probably just a small part of me. Whether I like it or not... Of course, I dont mean to pretend , that's harsh. I'm very bad at pretending anyway, so why bother trying. So Ive made up my mind, I think I should keep meetings and conversations to the minimal.. That way, less of me is exposed. At least, I can try.

:: End of entry meluat ::

Di pengakhiran

2011-05-14T13:05:00.005+08:00

Guess what people?!

I've finally finished my BAchelor of Pharmacy (hons.) wooot *fireworks. Perasaan tak percaya masih lagi membelenggu diri, Apa??! dah habis? Tak nak percaya pun ada juga..Kenapa kenapa kenapa dah habis? No more lectures after this? No more exams, no more tests, no more assignments and no more stress? Oh tidaaak, sepatutnya saat2 ini lah yang dinanti-nantikan tapi bagi diri yang masih lagi dalam mode denial, saat ini seakan2 mahu mencuri dari aku. Mencuri apa yang telah lama aku alami sejak azali lagi iaitu zaman belajar. Lepas ni naik kerja, ada lagi ke?

Walaupun lambat lagi nak masuk kerja, result final exam pun tak keluar lagi apatah lagi nak tahu tempat utk posting. Tapi, selalu juga terfikir, apa yang best sangat kerja nnt? Selain dari : dapat duit gaji hasil usaha sendiri , dapat jumpa ngan orang baru , dapat keje hospital, jumpe patient dan kenal pelbagai ragam manusia.

Disebabkan diri masih lagi tak mahu percaya, usaha utk menyamakan kerja dan belajar tu masih ada. Sedang cuba utk meyakinkan diri, kerja nanti, masih lagi ada exam, masih lagi ada test masih lagi ada assignment dan sudah pastinya masih lagi ada stress. CUma mungkin, wajah2 yang dulu tak lagi ada, ragam dan tatasusila pastinya tak sama.

Persoalan yang paling penting: Adakah aku sudah bersedia?

Mode : 3 months++ holiday

This isnt the end, yet love.

2011-04-18T21:25:00.004+08:00

I'm very sure everyone will agree with my next statement, life can be very much like a roller coaster. One day I'd wake up and set my mind "This is going to be a good day, insyaAllah". Everything's going according to plan, food tastes particularly good, peeople around you seem so cheerful and supportive, life is good. But then there will come a day when there comes the downward spiral of the roller coaster. The storm clouds appear and the crisis sets in.

This time around, life sometimes feel overwhelming. Weeks passed tremendously quick.The uncountable amounts of peer pressure and headaches due to most final of final exams. Them excruciating mind-twisting paragraphed facts may tip my heavy loaded head off the cliff. That's a fun image... Falling off a 777m above sea level cliff, falling elegantly waiting for the hunky Edward to embrace his heroism and save me in a heavenly manner.. (Uh, pause. No. Not Edward. Si vous plait, no.) It'll be a fast-motion fall for Johnny Depp though! Haha, there goes my unnecessary fragment of the state of mind. But hey, it is often during these times, that I go back remembering the things and those moments when my heart does a flip or a 360 degrees somersault.

#1 Nay, Verily, with me is my Lord, He will guide me (Quran 26:62)

#2 Amazing things, like tonight, the full moon is shining ever so brightly, Go go, go outside with your slippers and pyjamas on, bask in the light radiating from our one and only moon. Such beauty shall not go to waste.

#3 I wonder how its like. To swim in the glittery ocean. On an orca whale's back.

#4 Sometimes I see the things other people don't see in other people. People never cease to amaze me. You never cease to amaze me.

#5 Chocolate + potato crisps or simply any carb is the best thing to have when you're in a state where.. you don't know what to do. Fine, I meant foooooood. Scrumptious, yummeh..

#6 The trees can hear you if you talk to them. So let's say Hi, Pokok!

Macam delusional and hallucinating pun ada.

So yeah my point is, the next time i was going to be driven to the brink of insanity from the so called realities of life, i'm just going to seek refuge in the true realities, the sweetnesss of it all, those that are sweeet enough to bury down the bitterness. Life's trials are supposed to make you better, not bitter, am i right or am i not wrong? Let's face this mes amis for once and for all !!

STUDY. STUDY. STUDY. STUDY.

WOTD: Balderdash

2011-04-11T16:20:00.003+08:00

Bal.der.dash

\ BAWL-der-dash \ , noun;

1. senseless, stupid, or exaggerated talk or writing; nonsense.

2. (Archaic:) A muddled mixture of liquors.

"That bit about cleanliness being next to godliness was a lot of balderdash as far as I was concerned."

-- Jeannette Walls, Half Broke Horses

I like lemon and leaves in my blog! Okay. That was random. I felt like blogging for no reason. Exactly fits WOTD yes, no? In other words, if you got nothing to blog, then why blog ? It'll just end up being the most boring post the entire universe has ever seen. Or not, because not even my neighbour knows the existence of this blog. Blergh.

I've seen a lot of balderdash in people, in myself especially. Mostly originates from abused patience that turns in fury. I never blame emotions, especially if you let it linger. I've considered the possible effects and decided that I'd rather not deal with the everlasting consequences of a sudden outburst.

It is fortunate that we can retract the things we write, but the effects of what we say, what we write cannot be undone. It is a permanent thing, forever etched in time and only failing memory can erode its presence. But recent events make me realize that sometimes when going about our daily lives and just being the generally foolish beings that we are, we tend to step on other's toes and trample on the hearts of others without knowing.

If you know the effects of what you are saying, then all of these won't apply to you because there is really no excuse for being mean and bitchy. But it is true that sometimes we just don't realize how much we hurt with our words and actions. And these unintended blows to the heart will hurt just as bad and it doesn't subside even with the feeble acts of rationalization of the accidental attacker and the one accidentally attacked. Simply, we sometimes unknowingly hit a raw nerve with people and that causes trouble. I think this is the reason why we have to seek forgiveness every time we part and leave amicably...

Haih, I'm now wishing for a world where "sorry", "I love you" and all the hard phrases comes easy. Maybe we'll have fewer wars. Maybe. Again, I wish for a world where people just understand what other people mean to say, without having to actually say it. Life, I think, would be much simpler. But, for all that is worth my dear family and friends:

I am sorry and I love you

it's probably useless

2011-04-10T22:40:00.006+08:00

Those moments when our laughter can be heard all over the place. Those moments when joy overfilled our heart. Those moments when smiles will appear nonstop. Those moments when nobody will wish to have an end. Those moments when we will not stop talking.

Those moments when there is an urge to write and you spill everything on a paper. Those moments when you think today is the best day of your life. Those moments when you wish it to happen again. Those moments when you think it may only happen once in a life time. Those moments when you promised something but it ended anyway.

Those moments when you will just sit and ponder about it all. Those moments when you are thankful but you know that there is noway to return it. The joy. The fun. The laughs. The talks. Those moments. Memories that will always be memories and probably nobody can change that fact. :-)

You could probably guess what I've been doing today.

Mhm.. Things come and go. Feelings run and they flow. Hatred will be locked safe inside. Whereas the happiness are free to fly. Odd thoughts accumulate as I read sentence by sentence of a rather less attractive epilepsy lecture notes which I don't really fancy. The mind would start to wander off somewhere further than the sky above and I'd ponder upon things that struck my mind out of the blue. I'd be tangled up in my own world for mere seconds till my friend's laughter can be heard from across the room. Wake up.. I'd lead myself in a realm of my medieval times, the surroundings were ever so clear. It was those mesmerizing days where I would either cheer till no voice can be heard or smile the whole day till my jaws suddenly drops. But, I wasn't really keen on remembering them recounts. It'll just make me yearn for it, again. It's no good.

Off to bed. Yes, this early. Good night.

p/s

Q: how's your heart lately?

A: beating well enough, thanks for asking.

Hell on earth

2011-04-08T18:37:00.002+08:00

When something is so complicated, what do you do?

Do you go angry at that thing for being so complicated that you couldn't figure it out? Do you go around and say: "You are too complicated, it is your fault. I wont waste my time anymore with you" ?

Haha.

Funny are those with simplistic minds. Something so big can't be fit into something so small. Open up! I want to be free of my ideals. Let them guide me but careful not to be trapped by them.

If in my line of work I adhere to this line of thinking, I'd quit in no time. Abstract and complex situations in nature won't bow to old concepts. Everyday is a challenge, don't let your mind trap you into thinking that something should follow a predetermined set of rules: "It is supposed to like this, suppose to be like that, shouldn't be like this, shouldn't act like that...yada yada yada"

Remember, you are just one insignificant person: you can not thrust your ideals into someone else because what you consider right might not be so for other. Don't be so egoistic. Do not be afraid of change. The world won't stop just because you can't catch up.

Celebrate the differences in each of us because that is what makes each of us unique. I won't change myself for your sake.Dynamics is the order of the world. Everything moves in motion. Change is the only constant.

...And then we wait.

torment of want

2011-04-03T20:34:00.002+08:00

Haven't you come across a time when you wish that you can have control over what your heart wants? It frustrates me when the heart goes by itself, wanting many things that it wasn't supposed to want in the first place. And of course the head goes haywire; trying all sorts of sound reasoning to convince the heart to budge, shouting through the deafening silence in the mind "Hey, you're not supposed to want that! It is wrong/somebody else's/impossible."

But the heart never listens.

So the cycle goes on: the heart never stops wanting and the mind never stops analyzing.

And the body continues to endure. Taking blow by blow, until it numbs. Indifferent to the opposite tugging of the heart and the pull of the mind.

As I always say: we should never ask for things that people cannot give. So what I resort to is to ask from a higher source; one that could provide me with everything that I can possibly ask for.

Often words are inadequate, but that doesn't matter. He is after all, the All Knowing. Resolution for both the heart and mind will be revealed in time, either now or whenever it is right to finally have it. Or to have something else in its place. I don't know. It is weird how faith works.

But for now it is enough to know that we could draw strength from this helplessness by surrendering everything and taking each step of the way with care, whispering silent prayers within our hearts and minds. Believing wholeheartedly that the answers are somewhere up ahead. Somehow, we will arrive there eventually.

La Haula Wala Quwwata Illa Billahil 'Aliyyil 'Azim

p/s: I realised my posts lately are more drawn towards the desire of the heart and everlasting hope, maybe because I'm thinking too much about the future *sigh

alasan untuk jiwa

2011-04-01T10:54:00.004+08:00

Alhamdulillah, sekali lagi diri ini diberikan peluang untuk menulis ..eyh eyh ehem, dah bulan April dah. cepat sangat ney masa berlalu. belum sempat nak study pape lg, ttbe jadual final exam dah keluar. tapi kalau difikirkan balik, masa yang tak mencukupi atau kita yang tak menghargai masa?

Kan senang kalau semua benda terjadi cuma dengan pengharapan? Betapa besarnya harapan kita pada sesuatu, begitulah juga keinginan kita terhadap sesuatu. Kalaulah semua maksud tercapai asalkan punya harapan yang kuat, dunia apa yang akan kita dapat nanti? Kau mesti dapatkankannya semata-mata sebab kau lebih mengharapkannya. Kau pulak tak dapat sebab kau kurang usaha, sebab kau kurang harapan.

Kalau macamni la gamaknye, yang berjaya cuma mereka yang betul2 berusaha untuk kejayaan dan bukan mereka yg opurtunis yang licik mencari peluang. Jika ini cara yg terbaik, mereka yg tertindas akan menang dan yang berdosa akan kesusahan. Dan kalau inilah cara yang sepatutnya, orang2 yang betul2 layak jadi ibu bapa akan dapat anak dan bukan orang2 yang cuma akan membuang anak kandungan disisir jalan. Atau lagi orang2 yang bahagia dalam bercinta cumalah orang2 yang tidak akan mensia-siakan cintanya dan bukan orang2 buta yang tak reti nak mensyukuri nikmat didepan mata.

Apa yang kita diajarkan selama ney yang baik tu bahagia, yang tua itu yang dahulu atau yang berusaha itu yang akan mendapatkan...memang benar. tapi yang pasti, aku belajar melalui pengalaman, dunia ney bukan tempat untuk mendapatkan keadilan, bukan tempat menemukan kesenangan dan pasti bukan tempat untuk menikmati kerehatan. Dari pada subject science yg aku belajar, tak semua akan menurut ideal dunia, dunia itu dynamic. Dynamic nya dunia itu tak menurut ideal.

Tapi kadangkala, aku hanya mampu berharap, tanpa mampu melakukan apa2. Aku yakin, keadilan itu pasti ada, cuma relativiti masa itu sangat menggugat kesabaran yang ada. Tak mengapa, Allah kan ada. Aku kan ada Allah. Andainya memang milik kita, tiada siapa lagi yang boleh n sanggup menidakkannya. Sekarang cuma tinggal untuk berdoa dan letak pengharapan padaNya, agar harapan kita sama dengan apa yang menjadi rezeki kita pada akhirnya. InsyaAllah..

sweet serendipity

2011-03-25T14:19:00.006+08:00

MasyaAllah ! Subhanallah.. Hanya kata2 memuji kebesaran Allah yang mampu terucap ketika diri melihat kejadian tuhan yang amat cantik . Siapa kata kat Msia takde scenery yang memukau? Siapa kata di Msia hanya terdapat bahan binaan dan sampah sarap buangan manusia? Ini bukti nya.

Terkedu sekejap. Tenang rasa hati.

Kat mana? Dekat je, Empangan Sungai Selangor, KKB. Cantik kan cantik kan? Fuh, tarik nafas panjang2.. Terasa mcm mahu buat umah kat situ, sangat breath taking and serene and calm and soothing. you get what i mean? Sy mmg pencinta alam. Kalau boleh mahu stay outdoor tetapi bahang mentari selalu membantutkan niat dan rancangan murni sy. haha.

Not so grande

2011-03-13T15:08:00.002+08:00

Hello world. I am at guilt. If blogs have the rights, I should be sued for being silent for nearly a month now. Many many many things happened all in one month but the urge to write about it comes no more, seems like i've lost that affection but still i'm denying what's yet to become. Pathetic, arent i.

But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do

And I would gladly hit the road get up and go if I knew

That someday it would bring me back to you

Everything is falling back in pieces, where it belongs. Well at least, that's what i believe. Keeping my stubborn head intact, that's what I want to believe. Life unfolds before me the way I least expect it to yet it unfolds gracefully. PLans ive made, some were pretty exhilarating but cant also deny some had to be crossed out in red inks. Well i guess patience is the answer to everything. And having faith.

pengawalan bulan

2011-02-06T10:21:00.005+08:00

selamat datang bulan februari 2011. semangat untuk berblogging sudah semakin malap. setelah 7 tahun (ye!! sejak tahun 2003 lagi! ) saye menceburi dunia blog akhirnya saya mahu membuat keputusan muktamad utk BERHENTI menjadi blogger...oleh itu saya mengisytiharkan penutupan blog ini pada 6 februari tahun 2011 dengan akhir kata :

TIPU JE!

huhu. hati mana yg setelah 7 tahun (5 tahun bersama blogdrive + 2 tahun until kini with current blog service) bersama mampu nak lupa jasa baik encik blog yang telah sentiasa bersama di waktu senang dan juga susah..! mana boleh tinggal wey.. mane boleh lupa. niat di hati memang ada nak go on hiatus sekejap, muhasabah blog! tapi kejap2 je lah. hehe. walaupun blog ni dah berhabuk dengan debu2 tinggalan tuannya namun kini dia kembali dengan penyapu, mop, pencuci dan juga penyegar udara! haha. macam dah lame sangat tinggal ~

ape2 pun, februari datang lagi! huhu. *baca dengan nada intonasi dora datang lagi ye rakan2* hehe. pembukaan februari adelah dengan cuti midterm CNY. awal2 lagi dah semangat cuti ni, memang rasanya the rest of februari pun akan di isi dengan semangat untuk beriang ria! apetah lagi sekarang ni dah final semester. masa bersama classmate dan housemate dah terhad. jadi masa2 mcmni laaa yang perlu di habiskan dengan sebaik mungkin.. tragedi awal februari juge tak kan boleh dilupekan bila tayar BKG ku pecah & rim kemek!. oh ini adelah salah diri sendiri juga akibat cuai memandu, hasrat di hati ingin mengavoid bumper jalan tetapi terlanggar pulak curb/divider tepi jalan! maka terpelantinglah rim tayar kiri depan dan belakang.. habes duit parents RM390 nak ganti dedua tayar depan yg sememangnye sudah botak + ganti rim + tuka chamber...mungkin juga ini petanda BKG ku bakal berjalan jauh? haha. wallahualam. que sera sera.

buruk betul rupe bile dah flat & kemek!

jadi ape plannya? jeng jeng jeng. tak surprise la klu bgtau awal2 hahaha. nntkan kemunculan entry riang ria dalam waktu yg terdekat neh. *kalau ade lah* hahah

let's create more memories together weyy!

by the light of the moon

2011-01-20T17:59:00.007+08:00

The moon was amazing last night. If only I had a better camera, I would have captured it properly. But this is the only image that I managed to get. Sad.

see that tiny white spot in the middle? thats the full moon

I went through my friend's 365 projects. She's currently in the UK and turned out her image of yesterday's was full moon as well.

Man, only now I realized what it really means by "sharing the same moon".

It's amazing. How round and bright the moon is. How it is being looked at, shared with, awed by a lot of other people around the globe. At that time I just felt like wanting to send a message to the moon to tell you "that I'm waiting for you to find me,i miss you"...whoever you are, wherever you are. because the moon is what's connecting the two of us (at night) . LOL.

Nak send telepathy lah tonight while watching the moon.. Can you feel me?

research away!

2011-01-18T21:32:00.006+08:00

Rasa teruja skrg ni lalu terpanggil utk menulis blog. Sebab tgh sorng2 kat umah sewa, takde sapa nak dengar cerita teruja saye ni. haha. Sedih tak ayat.

Anyhoooo, RESEARCH SAYA SUDAH SIAP! woohoo.. besar ni beb. rasa beban di dada di bahu terasa mcm hilang terus! Walaupun baru je hantar draft kat SV, tapi at least, one BIG step done lah kan! lepas ni just tunggu SV buat corrections (saya dapat rasakan corrections kali ni tak banyak) jadi lepas ni dah tak banyak keje la, just edit2 sikit2 je. Dan ini jugak la sebab nye kenapa saya masih lagi di puncak alam sedngkan housemate2 dan kebanyakan classmate yg laen telah balik ke rumah masing2...Esok mahu jumpe SV lagi, dan nak finalkan terus thesis saye itu so that khamis dah boleh print terus dan hantar kepada SHAH utk di hard bindkan! yeayyyyyy! Alhamdulillah...

Okay, minggu ni mcm minggu cuti bagi part 8. Isnin je ade kelas. Selasa rabu khamis jumaat sabtu ahad takde kelas. Sambung balik kelas pada hari isnin selasa dan rabu n then cuti midsem seminggu lebey. terbaek tak terbaek tak? hehe. part 8 mmg terbaek. *Skrg mmg boleh ckp terbaek sebab research dah settle. Kekeke..

Okey sedang kedengaran bunyi2 dari atas. Cuak gak ni duduk sorg2. Haih, buat taktau je la, beranikan diri...Saya mmg berani. not.

housemate, smp hati kamu tinggalkan sy keseorangan :(

apabila kekeringan

2011-01-16T23:09:00.005+08:00

Fun things to do without spending your money!

Di saat duit scholar JPA dah abes, poket dan wallet juga sudah kering berhabuk, yang tinggal hanye lah kertas2 resit, pada waktu ini jugaklah waktu sangat terluang dan sangat free utk buat macam2 benda yang menarik! Tapi kebanyakkan benda yang saya nak buat semua nye perlukan duit ! Contohnye nak pegi bungee jumping la, gi wall climbing la, maen kat sunway lagoon la. Macamane ni ?!

Setakat ni, apa yang saya wat adelah :

Take a lot of pictures
Watch movies online at moviewatch.in or downloaded ones or korean dramas. Currently watching : Marry me, Mary
Online: social networks, blogs, micro-blogs
Online: browsing through lookbook.nu, weheartit.com, digg.com

Habit yang sangat tak healthy bukan? Ish ish ish.

Jadi lepas ni, sementara tunggu JPA nak masuk, saya bercita2 untuk membuat aktiviti2 berikut:

Learn new dance steps. Maen dance mat pun jadi laaa huhu. Ini adalah penting untuk mengembalikan semula stamina saya yang tersembunyi disebalik lemak yang semakin menggunung.
Go picnic.
Meet my neighbour.. Jiran sebelah baru beranak, tak pegi visit pun lagi.
Go for a bike ride.
Blow bubbles.
Play card games. Learn card tricks.

Ada idea lagi ? Haih, sem 8 yang busy tapi free. Apa maksudnye tu? hehehe!

at the verge of tears

2011-01-15T00:33:00.004+08:00

It's 12:37am now. I've just finished 5% of my 65% completed thesis which makes it 70% completed.But I'm actually waaaaaay behind the schedule that I've set for myself. I'm supposed to send my thesis to my SV today, for God's sake! And 70% is nowhere near complete. I'm so frustrated with myself!! I am in neeed of speed here! It's just as if I'm running on a treadmill, sweating and red in the face but I'm actually not getting anywhere!! Lari setempat lah kiranya ni! I don't know why is it so hard for me to get the words out from my head these days.. I just want to get everything done, in a proper and timely way but things are obviously not going my way... I need to keep on going, but there are times when I feel like giving up.. To just let it go. The hell with thesis.I. DONT. CARE.

But thank God>> I'm still keeping my sane head intact. There's really no option of stopping, not even slowing down.. I.HAVE.GOT.TO.KEEP.IT.GOING.

Ya Allah, ikhlaskan hati hambaMu ini menerima ilmuMu. Aku mahukan tabah, ya Allah.

"Think of this: a car driving through the night, the headlights only go 100-200 ft forward, and you can make it all the way from California to New York driving through the dark, cause all you have to see is the next 200 ft. That's how life tends to unfold before us. If we just TRUST that the next 200 ft will unfold after that, and the next 200 ft will unfold after that, your life will keep unfolding, and it will eventually get you to the destination"- Jack Canfield (Author) *taken from The Secret*

Endless

2011-01-10T22:26:00.003+08:00

The daddy look..

Alexa "Oh shit... I'm in trouble..."

I'm not supposed to be blogging right now. Not even supposed to be on the net, watching videos on repeat! But this video is just soo adorable, it's hard not to watch it over and over again :D

Watch it here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5G_wPpm0NA

*OHho, yes, I'm also pulling you into this world of adoration, mwahahaha!*

Now, let's get back to the management of diabetic ketoacidosis in type 1 DM patient. sobs.

happy new year 2011

2011-01-01T18:16:00.009+08:00

I am feeling a little disturbed at the beginning of 2011. I am not sure whether "disturbed" is the proper word to be used here, I mean to say that I found my self thinking a lot about recent events. When something happened, I mean something out of norm happened in your life, you ought to think about it a lot dont you and thats how I'm feeling right now. But I cannot deny that it was a wonderful thing that happened to me. But then honestly I must say, I dont find this first day of new year interesting or worth celebrating at all. Conflict of interest much? Hurm..! I feel like it is just another day, except for the date. 010111. Cantik. But it still feel ordinary.. Nothing different, nothing special, nothing surprising. I read back happy-new-year-2010 and happy-new-year-2009 entries. I seem excited back then.

I have stopped making new year resolutions. As I have mentioned in my happy-new-year-2010 entry, it is pointless. I'm more towards NEW DAY RESOLUTION. Why do you have to wait one whole year to change something. You make plans and then life gets in the way, you got pissed and you give up. Then new year comes, the whole thing starts all over again. It doesnt make any sense.

My 2010 ended rather surprising. Unexpected, unplanned. Something new, totally new but I'd rather keep it to myself. And I don't even know what to feel, happy? sad? shocked? All I can say to myself is: Tabahlah wahai hati.. Tabahlah wahai hati.. Tabahlah wahai hati..But there is still that little teeny weeny of hope that someday things will turn out to be better.. Things will work out the way it's supposed to..At least, the way I want it.

Nevertheless, 2010 has taught me A LOT of things. And I mean it when I said A LOT. I've made mistakes, I've made the wrong decisions, I've fought, I've lost, I've given up, I've won but everything that happened helped me to look at life in a different way.. Happiness is something to be pursuited. To be given but not to be taken..Well, at least you cannot be expecting it. It comes from your own self and your own self only. It's like driving in a car on a familiar road to the usual destination.. You ought to know where the bumps and how the holes are like.. And to prevent crashes, you should know how to avoid it and when to steer...

I feel like my life is one journey with a mixture of familiar and new roads..I'm enjoying the rush of air and the serenity of view but I've also got to be aware and cautious most of the time. I'm pretty sure Mr. 2011 will bring me a lot of changes.. Better changes, I hope.

2011, SURPRISE ME.

12 months of Happiness,

52 weeks of Fun,

365 days Success,

8760 hours Good Health,

52600 minutes Good Luck,

3153600 seconds of Joy..

Requests

2010-12-31T22:34:00.009+08:00

I totally agree

Cerita di facebook saya pula. 80 friend requests.

Sebelum ni 90+ tapi ada yang tarik diri. Maaf, bukan tak mahu approve..tapi bagi saya facebook hanya untuk family & friends. Skrg ni Alhamdulillah kwn2 kat facebook semua sy kenal each and every single one of them. Tanya la ni sapa tu sapa.. Sy akan jwb oh yang ni ktorng satu sekolah, yang tu kitorng gi program sesama. Kawan baru....mungkin...tapi bukan mereka *stranger* yang add tapi diam seribu bahasa, tak bertegur sapa. Maaf, saya tak suka. Saya nak tegur? Sorry dude. Kau yang add kau lah tegur. Terus terang saya katakan saya akan remove kamu dari friend list. I would prefer if you send me a message first before adding me. Atau selepas add saya. Takpun datang blog, bagi lah komen sikit ke. Terbuka sikit la hati nak approve. (Mane die nak tau ko ade blog HAH) *Bajet popular lah ni, poyo je lebey, sombong gila* Kalau blog ke twitter ke..Takpela nak add ke nak follow ke. Tapi ni facebook. Saya tak mahu ramai kawan tapi tak bertegur. Tak mahu kuantiti tapi mahu kualiti.

Apa-apa lah.. Why is the rum gone?

p/s: Facebook in English (Pirate) rocks my socks off. Arrr!

Tolong la sayang

2010-12-27T23:07:00.003+08:00

Apa ni beb? Apa ni ? Apaaa ni???!

Ini adalah trending topic di twitter. Bukti kebanyakan rakyat Indonesia masih tak puas hati dengan match semalam.. Oh common laa, jangan salahkan lantai kalau tak pandai menari... Mana semangat kesukanan ni? Dah kalah bangkit semula laaa, ya tak? Jangan la nak wat "hate malaysia" jadi trending topic. Tak ke itu menunjukkan bahawasanya mereka bersifat pendengki pendendam.. Haish.. Mari buang itu kemarahan, spread tha love, not hatred. Bila baca trending #LoveMalaysia kat twitter terharu la plak.. Semangat tanah tumpah nya darahku tiba2 menjelma, membuak2. Ini bukan semangat bola lagi, ini semangat kenegaraan huhu. Apa la, we're both Asians kan. Asians are family. *Bak kata trending topic* We're family. So please, stop the hatred. *BErharap sangat Indonesians baca ni* Haha. Tak sabar tungggu match 29 haribulan nnt.

Saya blogger selangor

2010-12-27T15:29:00.005+08:00

Oh yes, Saya Blogger Selangor, BPM

Nama anda - Mardhiyah

Status anda - Bujang trang tang tang

Cara hubungi - rmardhiyah [at] yahoo.com , facebook.com/rmardhiyah , twitter @marmellow

Daerah/Jajahan - Shah Alam, Selangor

Tempat tinggal - Jalan Wau, Seksyen 11!!

Apa yang menarik di tempat anda - Ade Pak Mal Nasi Ayam. Hehehe. Shah alam "city of roundabout" haha. Bandar Anggerik lah. Shah Alam ada jual banyak baju kurung , Haha, ada Wet World, ada Tasik shah Alam yg tenang lagi best utk jogging2 di waktu pagi, ada stadium Melawati yang sesak bila ada match bola. Komfem jam kat roundabout depan stadium tu. senang mau pergi mana2. Alhamdulillah aman dan damai. huhu. Best sebab dah duduk sini sejak tahun 1994 lagi!!

Sekian, terima kasih.

Ini Seksyen 9, dekat ngn shah alam mall. Hoho.

Mana kau pergi huh

2010-12-26T13:47:00.007+08:00

OHOi. Saye telah pun berjaya buat makeover pada Encik Blog kesayangan. Biar la nampak lain sikit dari semasa ke semasa. Header saya cilok dari vampire-zombie. Boleh cari account dia di deviantart dot com. Saya edit la sikit2 *crop & add text je pun* Lain kali kalau ambil gambar sendiri yang cantik boleh la letak kat header tapi belum tiba lagi masanya. Lain kali lah.

Kenapa sy berbahasa dalam lidah ibu hari ini ? Oh ye, tiba2 hormon saya mengatakan sebegitu, apa boleh buat. Biarlah lidah ibu mendominasi karangan saya untuk hari ini. Oh sungguh skema.

Seminggu bercuti dengan keluarga sangat berbaloi baloi.Terlerai lah segala ikatan2 kecil dan besar dari bahu2, hilang semua masalah dunia. Alah, masalah apa lah sangat. Nak start tulis thesis je pun. Berat betul jari jemari ku ini nak bergerak atas keyboard bila nak write-up thesis tu. Tapi bila nak tulis blog OHOoo alangkah gumbira nya mereka berdansa atas keyboard laaptop ini. Haha. Sungguh tak patut kamu kamu.

Tak tahu dari mana nak mula cerita vacation kami. Biar gambar yang berkata- kata la ek. Mereka pun pandai berbahasa ibunda.

Disini tempat kami tidur, mandi, tukar baju dan sebagainya. Tempat ni mmg best, kenapa?

Sebab dekat sangat dengan laut yang.....cantik dan...luas! Tapi tak berenang renang lah sebab takut kena sengat dengan jellyfish. Lagipun memang tak suka mandi laut. Air masin -___-;

Daripada balcony pun boleh tengok orang main jetski & parasailing and banana boat. Tapi tak join sebab tak banyak masa T__T Gila nak sangat terai parasailing. Macam best je boleh terbang...dengan bantuan tali.

Dan juga boleh usha orang sebelah di hotel sebelah. Hiks.

Ni gamba Nasi kandar. Kenala rotate laptop / PC anda sebanyak 180 darjah sebab kenapa tah gamba ni terbalik even dah rotate clockwise 2x tp bila upload still degil juga dia nak terbalik T_T Eden tak minat sangat dengan Nasi Kandaq tp sebab adik den yang Hasan tu hantu NAsi Kandaq so terpaksa la jugak makan 2-3x kat Penang neh. HAdoy.

Jalan2 makan angin around Butterworth. Sangat suka dengan design bangunan2 dia. Gila oldschool.

Pegi Prangin Mall. Kena naik parking dia yang berputar2 Huh, pening kepala, ini serius. Tak sanggup lagi nak pegi shopping kat situ.

Pegi Cort Fornwallis. Eh, salah. Fort Cornwallis. Tapi ni gambar bayang2 sahaje.

Dan pegi juge Toy Museum. Met my boyufurendo (boyfriend dlam bahasa jepun) Capn Jack Sparrow. Aye aye Cap'n! Arrr me hearty!

Dan juga, boyufurendo eden yang berperut bosar. Perut dia best boleh jadi bantal.

Dah puas kat Penang, duduk kat hotel best beraircond sekarang kita merasa pula duk kat chalet. Tempat ni nama dia Kalumpang Resort kat Hulu Selangor. Best, ini seriyus. Umah ni pun beraircond juga tp disebabkan surroundings dah natural sejuk so rasanya tak payah pakai aircond pun takpa, perabeh electricity je. Air paip pun datang dr air sungai yang mmg sejuk tahap maximum.

The main attraction of course lah sungai dia! Nama sungai ni sungai Inki. Jernih, siap ada ikan2 berenang2 kat dalam air tu. Air pun ada yang dalam sangat sampai kena ada pakai tali. MMg syok, mandi samapi bibir biru2 keunguan sikit, and hujung jari berkedut2.

Saksikan kehebatan saya memerangai arus air yg sangat deras. Muahaha. Taklah hebat mana pun T_T

Pendekkan cerita, mmg best lah. Plg bes part mandi sungai , sebab mmg tu feveret sy dari kecik dulu. Alhamdulillah.

When there's hard work there's a reward for you

2010-12-17T15:34:00.005+08:00

Alhamdulillah. Jumaat hari penuh berkat, penghulu hari, Every Friday I tend to get my mood up somehow, even today I'm feeling a little ill, fever, flu & sore throat but I didnt let them get me down.

I was planning to run an extra day for validation (for fun, because I like running my samples LOL), but my plan didnt work out because somehow a few days before this, HPLC pressure got realllly high and reached the limit it kept stopping running my samples..It turned out that the machine was clogged but after a few twitching here and there, the pressure went back to the normal state. alhamdulillah. But then, my extra day had to be taken off and here I am, analysing my results. Although the result of my validation is a little off, and I am actually a bit disappointed because of the large variation but hey my SV told me it takes a lot of time to master the skills and such. And because of that, she told me to start writing up whatever I've got. And she said well done! I think she's proud of me (hehe) because at last, I got through this stage of research in a limited period of time. And I'm new to this stuff as well :)

Anyway, thats it about my research, didnt mean to bore you readers, but I'm just excited as I can be! I can finally write up my thesis! And a proper one, that is! *big smile*

I was gonna upload a picture of chocolate marshmellow but due to the suckish uitm wifi connection, the image cannot be uploaded. haih *well, at least there is a connection, kan?* The purpose of that picture is to remind myself to get rewarded after this. Wohoooo! At last, you've done it, Mardhiyah!

Next week, there will be a family trip to Penang, for the whole week. Oh man, what is there in Penang to be interested about? I've been there during APPS, anyway. But I thought it would be a great time to relax and spend time with my family, and this morning I was having a little chat with abg Ikhwan, one of the postgrads in PROMISE, and he managed to give me a picture of how Penang is a food heaven... Foods dont normally excite me, but this time, I dont know why, it definitely stimulate my salivary glands!! Penang, here I come! *again*

Project 365

2010-12-10T12:12:00.005+08:00

I've been engaging myself with Project 365 lately.

So what is Project 365? It's a photography project. For shutterbugs like me, I find this very very very interesting !! Why ? Because everyday I get to upload a photo that describes the day. Well, it isnt that hard for me because I've been taking like, dozens of photos every day !! I just have to choose only one of the many photos aand upload it on the net..

WHY am i making such a fuss?

I like this !! At long last I have purpose of taking pictures !! And I have two reasons why I wanted to participate in this project.

FIRST: I find this as an interesting way to chronicle a year. What's been happening and such. It would be great to be able to look back and recap the activities, the age and the stage of my life -and especially emotions behind it. I wanna make up for those moments that I didnt have the chance to capture photos of. Especially when I was in the UK, I was too busy enjoying the day to even take out a camera. And for that reason, some of the memories stay hidden in my mind rather than being shared with others.

SECOND: It would be a good way for me to enhance my skill to take pictures. Perhaps, putting into it a different perspective, and I've started to look at things in a detailed manner. I do not own a good camera, in fact I'm only going to use my mobile camera. LG Arena KM900 should be enough I guess, until I get a better one. But this, I think - would be a useful way to sharpen my eyes before getting my hands on the real stuff.

I will be uploading the pictures on http://365project.org/rmardhiyah and Flickr set (365 project set is yet to be born). And also, on facebook, but since facebook limits only 200 pictures in one photo album, I might not update it everyday.

It seems overwhelming doesnt it? But hey, I'm determined ;) I would totally LOVE it if anyone else would join me in the project !

My beloved companion cheering me on *hiks*

And oh by the way, exam results are out ! Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, thank you Allah.

I like how UiTM has improvised to sending exam results through our emails. I think it is by far the most convenient method yet UiTM has adopt. Teehee.

Mumpsimus

2010-12-06T15:21:00.003+08:00

Word of The Day: Mumpsimus !

Meaning: a person who persists in a mistaken expression or practice

Dalam erti kata lain, seseorng yang degil walaupun tahu apa yang dia cakap/ buat/ percaya tu salah dan tetap melakukan benda yang salah !

And don't we all have this habit of mumpsimus ?

For instance, I kept saying lari lintang pingkang. I know it's supposed to be lintang pungkang but somehow I feel it's easier for the lips to enunciate lintang pingkang. and loads of other things that I cant think of right now.

Berpijak lah di bumi yang nyata

It's easier to fit yourself in something that you would like to describe as your comfort zone. In fact, if I was given the chance I would rather stay in there for as long as my breath would take me. It's easier for me to stay on the safe side, believing that's going to be allright even though it's unacceptable for other people. I've determined to believe that it's my own method to avoid getting hurt. I've tried being brave once, a few years ago. wait, it's not that too long a time. I tried to fight for what I want, I wanted to believe it would be worth it if I hold on. At that time I knew something wasnt right but still I held on. In the end however, I realise it's no use wasting my time and energy over something that I had no chance at all to win. I stood still and said to myself: I have fought and it's time to stop.

My point is, mumpsimus could be detrimental. I've learnt that I can defy my surrounding, but in the end, a right thing is in fact right, and I should know when to quit and get back on the right track.

Synthetic

2010-12-03T13:56:00.001+08:00

I wonder, if you broke a heart one too many times, how long will it take to mend?

What if it was like a ceramic heart, will it ever be the same again? Or is it just like a mug which fell off the table and gained a new crack each time? There's only so much cracks a mug can take before it loses the ability to hold water. Only so much a broken heart can take before it starts to leak. What goes in the broken ceramic heart, always leaks out. There's hardly anything left for you after a while.

What if it was a glass heart, once broken, considered thrown.

What if it was a paper heart, you can cut it out anytime. When you're done, you can glue it on again, but it'll never be placed properly, it'll always be a little bit off.

What if it was a rubber heart? You try to break it, it always bounces back. Full of optimism and so elastic, that rubber heart. It refuses to believe that anything can alter the way it feels about love. Leave it too long by itself, it loses that elastic hope; Break it one too many times, it might never regain its shape.

What if it was a plastic heart? You can try to break it many times, but it feels nothing. It's not even biodegradable. It is just out there, it doesn't expect, just hopes. It also can't love you back.

The plastic heart at one time has been a ceramic heart, a glass heart, a paper heart or a rubber heart. But cynicism has mutated it into becoming plastic.

Kudos Magenta-Made!

Fitting survivors

2010-12-02T14:05:00.004+08:00

I find today's discussion in Journal Club rather interesting. Kak Naz presented about the emergence of Vancomycin resistance and the discussion extended to the field of microbiology. Kak Lisa shared what she learnt during the conference she attended on the evolution in a tube. Microbes are only prokaryotes but they evolved too much in order to survive.. If only humans were allowed to evolve that much we would have transformed into something else, completely.

Survival of the fittest.

====

I find it interesting that even a rain drop contains 50,000 microbes especially on the first 50 minutes. So what I've learnt is that, when you want to play in the rain, watch the clock and wait until after the 50th minute only then you can come out and play. (Manala tau nak buat mcm Selena Gomez dlm MV die A year without rain) Haha.

This morning my supervisor had me thinking, to consider joining PROMISE after my PRP. And I told her, well, If I dont like working in the hospital then I will put PROMISE as my second choice =D

palingenesis

2010-12-02T11:41:00.002+08:00

Word of the Day: palingenesis \ pal-in-JEN-uh-sis \ , noun.

The first thing that comes into my mind when I encountered this word is FAWKES.

Whenever Fawkes dies, whether it be by violence or old age, he bursts into flame and is promptly reborn out of the ashes as a baby phoenix. (Wikipedia)

Rebirth from what I know, is an important belief in Buddhism where it is a process in which life changes from one life to the next. In religious studies (back in Waltheof School) i learnt that generally, the concept of rebirth (in other religion) is referred to karma, meaning that the deeds which a person accumulates in this life will determine the state in which he will be reborn. But in Islam theres no such thing or I might want to put it as having a different view from this. I belief in rebirth but not in the mean of cycle of birth and death.

What I'd like to belief is that we can "rebirth" our spirit and determination, I mean, you cant deny your spirit to do things can last long, at a time u feel excited and semangat gila to do something and at the next, it dies as the time goes by. Tak boleh nak deny kan ? KAdang2 terasa cam takde semangat gila nak buat something. At a time like that, All we need is someone who can bring our semangat back. Someone who can support you through the hard times. Tak kesah la sesapa, could be your parents, it could be your family, could also be friends or special ones. I find it hard to bring back the semangat on my own. I've been blessed to have a supporting parents and loving family and also caring friends surrounding me. Whenever I was down in the dumps, I can rely on them. But there also comes a time when YOU HAVE TO DO IT ALL ON YOUR OWN, where relying on people isn't part of the solution anymore.

What I do is go back to His words, The Kitaab :

And We send down of the Quran that which is a healing and a mercy to those who believe (in Islamic Monotheism and act on it), and it increases the Zaalimoon (polytheists and wrongdoers) nothing but loss” [Quran Al-Isra’ 17:82]

Seriously, the healing power of His words... Reincarnate my soul, a perfect palingenesis.

Coagulancy

2010-12-01T22:15:00.006+08:00

I did this when I was bored in the lab, waiting..my samples were being mixed or as I call it they went on the merry-go-round. Little did I know that I still have a long wayyyy to go. I thought I could go on to the final step which is the validation step but I'm still optimising my extraction conditions.

But then, I'm starting to like PROMISE lab.

Why?

Only God knows why.

Maybe it's my nature to get attached to something easily, which is quite a bad thing. Yup, this isnt good in this case because I aint going to be part of PROMISE forever. My place isnt here. I've never intended to end up here. Well, at least, not yet.

But Imma make the best of everything while I'm here ..

And it's worth the hard work, the tears and sweat, when this appears on the HPLC interface.

I love you lah.

enticing on teh eyes

2010-11-27T22:02:00.003+08:00

anyone fancy some poison-filled-coloured-candy-like-drug ?

Haha.

Thought I might add some visuality in my boringly dull blog. That picture I took from PROMISE lab, which is where I'm currently spending my weekdays at. Exciting HUH ? HAha.

Hello back HPLC. My baby, my poison, my remedy. haha.

A week has passed by. Puncak alam is QUIET without students. and when I mean quiet, I mean it scarily quiet. Not in a bad way though, but hey the good thing is, there are parking spaces! haha, more than enough actually. yeay! parking spaces make me happy. LMAO~

reminiscing

2010-11-20T21:36:00.003+08:00

I was reading my old posts at my old blog. *AGAIN*

I cant seem to fully move on, can I?

"penat tul rasenye hari ni..kat sekolah tadi..full day..esok pun full day, takde free..first lesson td ade chemistry dgn Dr Giles..boleyyla tahan..blajar psl hydrogen halides..sir buat exp kat depan..yg bestnye mase tu sir letak Potassium Bromide kat dlm test tube pahtu campur dgn concentrated Hydrochloric Acid..die terletak byk acid sampai reaction tu jadi violent giler dgn KBr...diorang ckp the gas given off (HBr) tu berbau..tapi aku tak bau ape2 pun..sbb idong sumbat..haha Lepas chem ade Bio pulak..dgn Ms Uglow..blaja psl the difference between fetal Hb ngan adult Hb ngan ape effect Co2 on the saturation of O2 in Hb.,lepas tu break time..lepas breaktime chem lagi.tapi kali ni dgn Mr Bhadresha..hissk esok ade dgn die lagi...double lesson lak tu..lepas chem, maths lesson..dgn Mr Atinkah..pasal binomial expansion..lepas tu lunchtime..lapo sey..sbb mase breaktime x mkn pape...gi cafe beli veggie burger..dgn freddo..yeay! dah jumpa balik my lunchcard..hehe takyah nk pinjam org lain nye lunchcard..alhamdulillah~ lepas lunchtime ade assembly...boring tul ckp psl holocaust...lepas assembly, maths lesson lagi..dgn Mr Merwanji lak..still on the radian thingy but nearly the end..."

Those times at Caterham.. Gosh, I really miss those times.. Boleh tak nak go backwards in time, please? I think I left a few pieces of my heart over there.. :(

"went to stratford with my mum and my two little sisters. we went there by tube! can;t even talk in there! it's too noisy! huhu bought a pair of new trainers..black! ive only got white trainers and need some black one..and i've got one today! alhamdulillah..sale!..hehe the trainers are reduced to 15pound!!! i can't even choose which one to buy at first..! haha then we went to argos..my mum bought this healthy grill..and bought 4 boxes of fish fillet at farmshop just to try the new grill..keh keh anyway my bro hasan can't eat those fried foods because he's not being very well lately..cough..flu..huuhu T_T hope he gets well soon..amiin..my mum also bought this new mobile phone...hehe it's coooll..my little sister aisyah got a pair of long pink socks with cute little kitten on it >_<>

then went home..go upstairs and performed zuhur prayers..then helped around the house..usual stuff to do at home...know what i mean?? *gasps& u know on friday yea...this redza kamben missed call me on my bio lesson...it was ms ugloww's lesson!! man i was a little scared in case ms uglow heard it..huhu but thank god i put my mob on vibrate..she dint realise it..or probably im dead right now =P huhu gtg noww ey bubbye xxxxxxxxxx"

I think this one's pretty funny LOL We were scared of Ms Uglow at that time, She was pretty strict. And I hope she wont google her name, otherwise the chances of finding me talking about her on the net is pretty high haha. Ms Uglow reminded me of Mrs Shemelds. She was one of my Science teacher back in waltheof high school. Contrast are those two.. *sigh, i miss them loads.

"hurm ape nk cerita ek ari ni. banyak sgt cerita sampai tatau mane satu nak choose kahkah lol. :P aku update ni pun disbbkan irna. die la ney. suh update. haha. kaco daun betol.

neway, semalam mase kuar je dari bio class, Maths Genius tunggu kat luar class tau cam bese la tunggu rakan2 die yg lain. tp smlm pelek sket sbb tiba2 je die cam hold my arm sbb die nk ckp sket.
Maths Genius: u beat me.......in chemistry...i got 85%
Me: ........yea?...........what did i get??
Maths Genius: errrr...86% i thought u know your mark already?
Me: Nope we aint got chemistry until tomorrow.
Maths Genius: oh. ok. u beat me anyway. *smiles*
Me: *smiles* haha....yes!....

then aku blah je..haha. sian die tp takpela. he's got his friends around. i was in a rush anyway mase tu coz nk buat maths revision for tomorrow's exam (which was today). but aku pelek dey. i'de never spoken to him before and tiba2 smlm die kate 'u beat me'. i didnt even bet or anything. pelek dey. manusa zaman skang. unpredictable.

ari ney plak. aku kat bus stop tunggu bus after maths. then die ngn rakan2 die dtg. ckp lagi psl chem exam tu. adey. well done la ape la. tanye tu la tanye ni la. whatever. tapi aku layan je ahaha. best pulak borak ngn depa. sampai my no. 11 bus arrived.

i felt awkward sket la mase tu coz normally when i get good grades or sumthing lyk that my friends will come up to me and say "boffin" or something lyk that but this time,depa kate welll done la ape la. rase strange sbb tak suke la! tatau camne nak describe tapi cam tak best :( im weird kan? haha. serious sey. aku rase kat JMC diorang compete with each other. know what i mean? it is a good thing coz somehow it encourages us to study more. but naoe tah, i dont like it that way. mcm people will hate me if i get top mark, esp in mock exam. so tadi aku ckp la ngn Maths Genius tu, "i bet u beat me in maths this time" haha. mmg pon. die kan maths genius. hurm. papepon aku dah letey. catch ya later. wassalam xxxx

p/s: lerrr..aku lupa publish. d'oh! huhuu. anyway, semalam tu ari rabu, hari ni tu ari kamis. harap maklum. "

I nearly forgotten that word "boffin" Havent been using it for the longest time, haha. And no point, really, cuz no one understand what it means, am i right, no? I even forgot what's Maths Genius's name. Ahmed is it? But he's definitely Asian hehe.

wonderfuels

2010-11-19T19:30:00.002+08:00

Last 6 days at home were brilliantly fantastique! All that is left for me is the weekend for me to enjoy the bits and bobs of home stuff. And then, torture is awaiting. OKay that was an exaggeration. Not exactly a torture, but you know what I mean. How close is PUncak Alam to torture, well, it cant be that bad, innit.

I've bought enough supplies to survive if there's ever any dull times over there. New sketchpad, pigment inks, watercolours, novels, movies and dramas. Should be enough right ?

But I dont know how I'd manage without the tv or the internet, I guess I've survived before, so it shouldnt be a problem. But still, holiday without those two would be awfully boring. God, give me strength. How I wish skiving snackboxes really exist. haha.

And ouh, home's cooooking ! That I would miss the most, I feel like it's not fair to miss the meals when everyone else is at home T_T

*sigh. Why am I making such a big deal over this?

bila lagi

2010-11-18T21:48:00.004+08:00

I went back to kg on Eid.

A presence of new face in addition to the usual lot. This time, it's my cousin's husband. Got married half a year ago but only got the chance to hang around. She's my paternal cousin of the same age, and another one is engaged, going to get married on January.

And that will leave me, the third 23-year-old-grandchild of my dear grandma to let the marital status left unaltered. And the usual questions would be, yes, you'd guessed right . "kak yah bila pulak?"

Honestly saying,

I dislike this kind of question.

I dislike this kind of pressure.

because I dont have the answer.

But speaking in a frank manner, I WISH i had the answer. BUt for the time being, before I develop an uttermost dislike towards going back to kg, let these questions stop and let me live my life at my own accord, boleh tak.

all complete

2010-11-16T19:43:00.003+08:00

i feel like a happy soul.

it feels complete.

i know i'm late, definitely wayyyyy toooooooooo late but hey, FINALLY ! my prized possession of HP books are now in complete set. although im a bit bothered the last one i bought today isnt hardback but im trying to convince myself it's not the cover thats important but whats in it. *sigh

probably one of the factors why i delayed buying this was because i can hardly believe it's the last one of its kind. i didn't want it to end, i was in denial. but over time, i came to realise that yes, it's the last one. but it is also the best one. i've been wasting my time denying what's real. and now it's time to engage in it and make the best of it before the movie comes out.

and it's a good thing they made the last movie into two parts. i can imagine why :-D

hollow holiday

2010-11-15T20:42:00.002+08:00

cant wait for deathly hollows. like what atenakaeVil said most likely iwe're gonna line up for the first tix the day before release. just like good old days. haha.

i've registered for skp. that's it. it's final. it's definitely puncak alam for me this holiday. after raya haji that is. promise lab, wait for meehhhh~ imma conquer you haha. 10 years from now, i will be remembering this as something different i'd chose to do whether i like it or not. holiday is STILL holiday though. WE will be planning something out of weekends, anything.. or at least imma find some holiday survival kit. new canvas perhaps?

lets just see how it goes.. happy holiday everyone~

es kay pee

2010-11-14T12:59:00.003+08:00

my last post was TWO MONTHS back?!

that was amazing. i used to blog like evveryyy day but now its like once in every 2 months lol i need to start blogging back again, i mean intensier in frequency.

reasons for my lagging post were a) exam b) research c) exam and research and anything to do with la vie etudiante a universite. and now that im freeeeeeeeeeeeeeee from those things, i can blog and surf and blog. but only temporarily though, and i mean it when i said temporary. this brief moment i will have with mr lappy will be taken away when i decide to do SKP. not that i have the choice but mum says it would be a good experience. so i'll be working with warfarin in the lab, playing with measuring cylinders, needles, hplc machine and such. theyre my toys now. HAHA. so im still with puncak alam this hols. lameee -_____-;

Hopes

2010-09-15T21:13:00.004+08:00

I havent been writing for quite a while. My focus has been steered away from online world as school works are choking me. Well, not just school works but also some other things that I prefer not to mention here. Anyhow, welcome back me. I hope you never forget those who have once made you smile, including Mr Blog here.

Going backwards, quite a lot has happened in this short life of mine, whatever with the past has gone, the best is always yet to come, insyaAllah :)

Nay, Verily, with me is my Lord, He will guide me (Quran 26:62)

That brief, short, simple statement.. Never failed me.

Ramadhan has gone by so quick. It's already Eid. Eid Mubarak everyone. I'm not even sure whether this blog still has its loyal readers or not but here I am wishing everyone a great raya. Somehow, the excitement of raya I experienced during childhood has ceased as time ages but rest assured, there's this new kind of excitement I'm starting to feel, cant quite describe it, but it has something to do with being an adult. haha. but if course, I still receive duit raya. That is A MUST for someone with no job thus no paid salaries yet, like me. haha.

Going forward, hospital attachment after raya. Lab report to be completed. Research lab works are yet to be brought to fruition..

I hope I am forgiven for taking only the explicit. I hope I am forgiven for not bothering. I hope I am forgiven for being clueless. I hope I am forgiven for forgetting, and no more. Because I must now make the effort.

Short Neurological Test

2010-08-19T13:30:00.002+08:00

Short Neurological Test

Please do not use any cursor help.

1- Find the C below..

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO COOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOO

2- If you already found the C, now find the 6 below.

9999999999999999999 9999999999999999 9999999999999999 99

6999999999999999999 9999999999999999 9999999999999999 99

9999999999999999999 9999999999999999 9999999999999999 99

3 - Now find the N below. It's a little more difficult.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMNMMMMMM MMM

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMM

This is NOT a joke. If you were able to pass these 3 tests, you can cancel your annual visit to your neurologist. Your brain is great and you're far from having a close relationship with Alzheimer.

Congratulations!

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________

part 2

eonvrye that can raed this rsaie your hnad.

To my 'selected' strange-minded friends:

If you can read the following paragraph, forward it on to your friends and the person that sent it to you with 'yes' in the subject line.

Only great minds can read this

This is weird, but interesting!

If you can raed this, you have a sgtrane mnid too

Can you raed this? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! If you can raed this forwrad it

Glossolalia

2010-08-04T16:49:00.002+08:00

Viva test is tomorrow , it's an oral test on our cardiovascular related therapeutics subject and as I was reading and memorising, I let myself play a little to ease up the tension. As I am alone in this bilik tutorial level 6 (an hour before I was with a few budak asasi but they have left) with nothing surrounding me except chairs and desks,, the meaning of "play a little" was to actually surf the web with this little brown netbook my mother lent me hehe.

So, I was wandering around the web , here and there till I found this interesting word;

GLOSSOLALIA

Weird huh? weird but in an interesting kind of way.

It sounds like a flower at first impression but I got it from a medical dictionary. It means "nonsensical sounds that mimic the rhythms and inflections of actual speech. Glossolalia may be seen in deep sleep or in trance states"

hehe. The definition reminds of my roomate. Because she told me that i sometimes talk in my sleep but she never understand what I said because I was basically mumbling and talk gibberish. I am never aware of this, though. It would interesting if I did hehe. People say it's a medical condition if you talk in your sleep, something to do with your mental health but others say it's normal and happens to everyone. I dont know.

Does anyone experience this as well or am i the only one? haha.

I'm not even sure whether glossolalia is the same as somniloquy or not. probably somniloquy is one big thing and glossolalia can be part of it, and glossolalia can also happen outside sleep whereas somniloquy happens only when you sleep. I dont know.

*****

OKEYH! enough rest...

back to reading myocardial infarction & thromboembolic diseases. beta blocker, ace inhibitor, calcium channel blocker, diuretics and bla di bla.....

1 unread

2010-08-02T12:31:00.003+08:00

I'm currently at DK-10 watching a group of colleagues presenting their CBL cases on cardiac failure & anemia. And at the same time, I'm waiting for the next lecture which is pharmacokinetics lecture, uhh, more calculations... I'm pretty bad in math so numbers arent really my favored circumstances. But hey, im still trying my best to be interested,enough for me to take everything in..

***

They are presenting a case which is also my case, but I'm going to present it tomorrow, so I gotta pay more attention

***

Okay done, it looks like I gotta alter a bit, add more to my presentation slide.. This patient had cardiac failure, low Hgb count, low MCV, leg pain, COPD, smokes and drinks and on various kind of medication and we're supposed to identify any drug-related problems and to resolve them if there is any and it happened that this patient requires some interferences from the pharmacist. Ermmm, enough of this medical talk, I guess it has a high probability of rising boredomness among you readers I guess I'm just trying to tell you people that being a pharmacist is not solely on giving out instructions on medications at the counter but to also decide whether a drug or medication is properly indicated with the appropriate dosage, appropriate route of administration and other kind of appropriateness. We have to look on the drug-drug interaction, drug-disease interaction, adverse events, side effects, patient counselling and bladibla.. So what I meant to emphasize is that pharmacists have a BIG role in health care.

and?

It's nearly 1pm. No lunch as I'm fasting sunat. Just to let my tummy practice not to get used to having foods hoho.. I fasted for 4 days last week, the first few days I think I was hypoglycemic.Ish3. Oh yeah, my head throbbed like mad, it was unilateral and I'm intolerant to any kind of caffeine so I've self-diagnosed myself with a migraine T_T Takmauuuuuu uuuu !

masa itu emas

2010-07-23T11:59:00.006+08:00

It's the third Friday since this semester started. I'm still in doubt of my progress, education wise, research and personal stuff. Another friday coming then it's a month. Time flies quick enough to let me drift away in my own lala land.

Final year is full with case and problem based learning,applying everything that has been taught in first, second and third year into real practice, eh, probably not into practice yet, but to solve the cases, it seems like we have to imagine that we're in practice. I feel like i'm still lacking the knowledges, skills and determination.o o o o oooo ohmaigod.am i ready for the working world? haha. trying my best to make myself ready...

I'm finally at home sweet home Shah Alam,, Glad that this weekend isnt grabbing my precious time at home haha.. But still I have to analyse my HPLC result. Peaks didnt come out they way i wanted them to but at least some of them did, there goes my first phase of the research. CBL case 3 of myocardial infarction & thromboembolic disease is on the way. report for Ischemic heart disease is half way done. proper.....time......management...... please....dear mardhiyah...

i dont even know why i took Radiopharmacy elective subject for this sem. Ive always thought the subject interesting since I attended the summer school at UK. I just hope things go well for this sem..and again,,,proper.......time.......management......please

BALIK

2010-07-09T23:08:00.002+08:00

"kakak ain sayang sangat kat kakak, ain kemas bilik kakak. please come home to see"

message yg saya terima dari adik kecil saya berumur 8 tahun

masa ni baru je balik dari lab. jam dah pukul 7. dah nak maghrib. hati nak sangat balik umah kat shah alam tapi esok petang pun ade lab lagi. sekarang ni weekend dah macam weekdays bagi saya. tp tetap kena masuk lab prepare sample, run hplc. takmo delay2. tak lama lg bulan puasa. lepas raya hospital attachment pulak.. harap dipermudahkan semua nya. result bagi cantik. hplc tolong la saya.

tapi bila dapat msg ni terus tak kesah.. packed up and leave puncak alam, arrived shah alam at nearly 8pm

wpun esok kena balik puncak alam balik.. balik jugak shah alam.. tak dela jauh pun. speed 100km/hr dapat la setgh jam sampai umah. takbleh bawak laju2 sgt nnt kena marah lagi dgn semua org. huhu. waktu yg ade kat shah alam ni la waktu paling berharga sekali.. huhu. "HOMESICKLE DISEASE" heee :)

home is where the heart is

Cuti Epi II

2010-07-01T10:08:00.004+08:00

Holiday is nearly coming to an end!

I wrote the first sentence 2 hours ago omg. I was watching youtube on how ppl wear shawls, it's not that it's my first time but it amazes me how it even cross ppl's mind to put up a video wearing different kind of hijab. Okayla, as a tutorial, i cannot deny that it is useful but i'm just a little ashamed of some who claimed that they wear hijab or tudung but still seemed to ignore the actual reason why they have to wear it. Get me?

Fashion is a form of self-expression,for some people. But I express myself through other ways. Honestly, I have to admit that I'm not really into fashion. I dress comfortably to cover up, not to impress. Well, it's enough to impress myself, and probably my husband in the future but that's a whole lot of different thing to think of. I like StyleCovered video tutorial. Go check it out. It's a proper way to show without really showing. She wore a bonnet to cover the hair and the neck before actually wearing a headband & the scarf. And i have to say, she is pretty. Found her while browsing through BBC News

Anyway, that was random. I was thinking of some other things to write about this morning, but my mind got diverged, blame it on BBC News HEHE.

I changed the look of Mr Blog again. Thought of giving him a new makeover - browsed through some free blogger templates websites - downloaded the xml file, and just in a split second Mr Blog is transformed into whole new look. But still the same old content. HAHA.

HPLC yesterday went well. Except that I got told off because I arrived 5 minutes late. "Rasanya hplc teori start pukul 9am kan?" Ouch. T_T Other than that, it went allright. And as a matter of fact, I need to find more things that I overlooked before eg warfarin solubility, ranges of concentration normally found in human plasma, interday vs intraday validation and et cetera. And when I read back my research proposal I have found that I need to put in more information because I have missed out on some important things. Wondered how on earth I got an A last sem. Nevertheless, a big thanks to Kak Nana for your guidance in HPLC workshop!

And straight after the workshop I went to my old favourite place, which is the.... library (How exciting..duh) Got myself some reading materials before Kak Ana arrived with Balqis. FYI, Balqis is 4 years old, the eldest daughter to Kak Ana & Abg Azreen. Abg Azreen was our co-supervisor during industrial practical training. I was just reading some books & explaining & drawing with Balqis but surprisingly it was exhausting. Not in a bad way, but seriously I started to wonder how do all mothers cope with this everyday ?! It's very challenging. I do have little brother and sisters but it's different to having your own son or daughter. The strengths mothers have are true gifts from Allah.. It's amazing.

I love you, umi.

Cuti Epi I

2010-06-28T09:33:00.003+08:00

Hola !

Percutian semanis madu sudah pun bermula. Mari kita dansa gembira bersama sama. Jangan resah jangan gelisah kita ade seminggu lagi sebelum kelas menyeksa.

Selamat pagi Isnin . Cuti seminggu jop je, banyak benda nak kena buat. Tak sempat nak pergi cari holiday-survival-kit, hari ni nak pegi tenguk adik kat asrama, katanya sakit tekak, batuk & demam. Musim demam kah sekarang ? Ramai pulak member2 den yang jatuh sakit. Yang demam sebab worldcup tu lain la. jatuh sakit cinta pun lain. in konklusi : musim wc = musim mengawan = musim demam. *golek2 gelak

Esok plak bermula semula la saya punye research

Method development of HPLC to measure some drug concentration in human blood plasma - and in my case - the drug is a blood thinning agent - encik Warfarin.

Rabu / Khamis kena standby. Kak Nana akan panggil ktorng kena buat presentation on how far we understood the system of HPLC. Hello back Puncak Alam,, nantikan kedatangan kami kesana :) dear HPLC workshop, hope you wont make a great deal of my lack of understanding or confusions. Saya budak baru belajar, kalau salah tolong tunjukkan.

Ingat nak pegi shopping. Nak masuk rumah sewa baru la katekan. Dah kena tendang dengan kolej kediaman Angsana kesayangan, maka kena bertungkus lumuslah membeli macam2 barang utk keselesaan menghuni rumah di lorong lautan samudera itu. nnt jemputla dtg umah kami. hehe.

saat nya belum tiba

2010-06-20T18:58:00.003+08:00

i havent been posting a proper entry since forever. sorry blog. i give you nothing but excuses but you're always there for me. i wish that you are a human and a guy i can get married to hehe :))

industrial practical has nearly come to an end. it has been 6 weeks that i'm at CNI. another ONE more week to go , to finish and to HOORAY it's ALL done and over with ! BUT (there's always a but kan?) i think i have gotten too attached to the place that i dont think that i will be too excited leaving it. thanks for everything, the experience,, the knowledges.. educational and non-educational.. and major, important life lessons i've learnt from it. *probably only some certain ppl know what i'm talking about* so moral of the story is: a small lie is still a lie, trust no body except your self. EH EH. tersimpang jauh sudah~ hehe. Thank you Allah for the oppurtunity to learn and to know more of other people's personality to get to know better of your creations and to realize deeply that You know what's the best for me and for everyone else.

“Dan boleh jadi kamu BENCI kepada sesuatu padahal ia BAIK bagi kamu dan boleh jadi kamu SUKA kepada sesuatu padahal ia BURUK bagi kamu. Dan (ingatlah), Allah jualah Yang mengetahui (semuanya itu), sedang kamu tidak mengetahuinya.”—Al-Baqarah 216

Oh Allah, rasa macam nak menangis tapi at the same time berbesar hati bila tahu Allah masih sayangkan saya. I'm taking everything as a test.. you gain some, you lose some.. Oh Allah aku berasa amat beruntung kerana pada saat2 bergoncangnya jiwa ini ada juga masih ada setitik cahaya dalam kalbu untuk aku renungi kebenaran MU. Aku pohon kekuatan dari Mu untuk terus istiqamah~

daddie

2010-06-20T18:47:00.003+08:00

Dear Ayah,

Happy Ayah's day. I dont show it often, i dont show it much.. but deep inside here i really want to scream i love u.. you're the best dad ive ever had in this whole wide world.. the only dad i have.. thanks for being an awesome dad. EVER !

no pic because no pics (at all) are being kept inside this laptop T_T the above pic i got from my facebook album.

waxing

2010-05-28T13:13:00.006+08:00

oh tidak, saya bukan baru buat waxing kaki cabut bulu *that was my first impression of this word. HAHA. ladies, biasala kan? guys pun mesti terfikir pasal waxing CARS takpun you men think about your ear WAX. hehe.

it's the word of the day :)

waxing \WAK-sing\ , verb;

1. To increase in extent, quantity, intensity or power.

2. (Of the moon) to increase in the extent of its illuminated portion before the full moon.

3. To grow or become.

the opposite to wax is wane which means - decreases in intensity. thats why we often hear "wax and wane" which is an idiom. something that waxes and wanes often grow bigger and stronger then it becomes smaller and weaker again... *reminds me so much of the Achordion theory of retailing -____-; (dan secara tiba-tiba CUAK pasal result exam. bile ea kluar? bulan 6 kan? huwaa)

a simple example of something that waxes and wanes is LIFE itself. agree with me much? at one time you feel like you're on top of the world.. and at another time, you feel like rubbish being kicked to the edge.. biasala tu kan. dah nama pun kehidupan,, where's the fun without the ~~cunt~~? maafkan bahasa yang tak sopan. biar saya tukar "where's the fun without the sun" much better *even though it has nothing to do with anything HAHA

but im here to talk about waxing *only*. i wonder if there is such thing that goes bigger and stronger as the time goes by? even the mooon doesnt stay full and mengambang setiap masa. manusia pun, sesihat sebesar mana pun tetap akan grow old and weak. anything that have any kind of value will deteriorate,, the value will recline and diminish in time. pendek kata, all living and non-living things have its own "SHELF LIFE" hehe.

i kept on wondering and wondering apelaaa yg keep on growing and grow but never gets weaker and smaller.. i googled and i found this:

"kongsikan ilmu dan anda akan mendapat ilmu"

yeay, an ANSWER at last!! KNOWLEDGE is power :))

i have read somewhere that when you give out your possessions or HARTA BENDA it will obviously tinggal sikit la but when you give out or share your knowledge it wont run low, instead you may also learn and gain MORE.

“Men honor what lies within the sphere of their knowledge, but do not realize how dependent they are on what lies beyond it.” ~Chuang Tzu

What Allah has given us is like a drop of water if compared to the whole ocean. Bayangkan betapa luasnya ilmu Allah tu. O Allah, fill my heart with true englightenment, wisdom, understanding and knowledge for you are the most knowledged, wahai Tuhan yg Maha Mengetahui.

Rabbi zidni 'Ilman warzuqni fahmaan~

amigos!

2010-05-23T21:25:00.006+08:00

I've been listening to Maher Zain - Open your eyes on repeat. non stop. cant get enough of this song.. such an eye opener.

Today was great. I had a lottttt of fun with new friends but most are actually..hurm how should i say this? old? kecik hati kang. hehe. much much older than me laa. not one to two years older but many many years older. hehe. theyre my new friends i made masa kerja kat CNI. went for a bowling tournament with them..actually i have to replace one of the kakak sebab die kena chicken pox. *May you get well soon!* bak kata my new friends, mmg setiap tahun CNI wat bowling tournament. my team sama dgn abg zameri, abg saiful & abg lah, nama team ktorng LIPAS KUDUNG and like expected tak dapat menang pape *SOB SOB* (tapi dapat UP cafe green tea white cafe abg fairuz bagi hee TQ!), my right thumb felt abit sore but it's allright because i hadda great time with them. dapat jumpa dengan family2 diorng, anak2 mereka yang comel2 belaka. esp anak abg azreen & abg halim. rase cam nak geget2 je pipi. uhuu.. then went for jalan2 makan angin.. tak reda lagi penat pegi berjalan2 lagi haha. balik umah mak pulak ajak pegi shopping.. ape lagii :)) SAY YES la kan heeee.

Alhamdulillah. Thank you Allah for this great time you have given me. thanks jgak pada abg fairuz sebab bawak pegi aquarium.. suka suka sukaaaa tgk haiwan2.. :)) oh God, its only 2 weeks that i'm here but im so scared i will get too latched on -_-;;;

tomorrow my parents will leave for england for one whole week. research thing. OHH..fortunately my aunt is here to take care of things because i wont be able to be at home when my lil sis & bro come back from school every day. thanks makcik leha!

okeyla enough for today's entry. Alhamdulillah.. blog off ! :))

kenapa senyum

2010-05-22T12:47:00.005+08:00

saya telah di tag oleh anak pakcik abdul rahman .. ANIS IZYAN. sorry anis lambat sangat buat entry ni.. but better later than never aint it? :)) thanks for tagging me although i dont think i deserve to be tagged huuu..

anywhooooo, saye telah ditag untuk senyuman paling menawan. dush dush disitu. Alhamdulillah.. senyuman menawan ke? haha. terima aje la.. saya mmg suka senyum..

okie. berbalik pada rules and regulation of this tag.

~saya udah follow blog penaja contest - chentazetty

~ ini sticky pic yang wajib diletakkan. dan saya harusla beritahu kenapa saya suka senyum?? HUrm.. susah nak jawab ni.. tapi jawapan die simple je. saya suka senyum sebab senyum tu sedekah HAHA. *laaaaaaaaaaame!* hurm ntahla, sy suke wat mende yg sy suke org wat kat saye. sy suke org senyum kat saye, so saye pun senyum kat org. haha. kdg2 senyum sndiri juga, tgk cermin pun nak senyum sorg2..tp pernah jugaklah sebenarnye sebelum ni ramai yg ckp senyuman sy wat muka sy lebey comel kerana adanya high cheekbone.. haha. *alamak saya bukan saje suka senyum tp suka jugak perasan..* tp skrg da tak nampak sgt cheekbone tu sebab dah dicover dgn pipi yg tembam.. errr.

saye nk crita satu cerita dlu masa nak daftar kat JOsiah Mason College, kena amek gamba untuk wat ID card, saya adalah antara yang plg terlambat skali yang dtg ambil gamba, pakcik tu pun muka die dah penat maybe sebab seharian duk ambil gamba org jer.. tp slps da amek gamba sy, org tu dgn muka gembiranya ckp "THATS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SMILE I HAVE SEEN ALL DAY"

lalu tersipu2 malu saya dibuatnye. tp sejak tula saya mmg suka wat org happy dgn senyuman sy.. AHAHA. okey please stop this perasan mode cik mardhiyah.

~gamba saye berseorangan senyum ikhlas lebar to the max (sebenanye gambar diatas bukanla senyuman lebar to the max tp kerana keseganan mendisplay gamba sendiri sy letak gambar yang biasa jer laa ea..sory kerana tidak mematuhi peraturan contest hehe)

gamba ni waktu kat HOSPITAL KAJANG. tu sebab nye saye sdg memakai white coat. tgh wat assignment tp disebabkan kebosanan yg amat, saye buka webcam n ambil pic sndiri. HAHA.

~ okey rules yg terakhir - kena tag 4 org lagi yg punya senyuman menawan .. sy nak tag :

kepada mereka berempat ini , berikut adalah rules & regulation of the contest::

1. Contest nie terbuka tuk semua peringkat umur

2. 1 gambar je (GAMBAR ANDA)... sape masukkan lebih2 otomatik akan di rejek oleh ai...

3. Gambar mestilah senyum yang memang ikhlas.....senyum lebar 2 da max... =)

4. Gambar BERSEORANGAN

5.Mestilah menjadi follower miss chentazetty

6.Sediakan entri khas contest ini dalam blog u all n link kan kepada ai...

7.Jgn lupe tag kan kawan2 anda minimum 4org... (kalau follower anda xramai boleh di maapkan..) make sure org anda tag 2 tau bahawa dia telah di tag kalau xnk kena saman...

8.Letakkan sticky pic ini sekali di entry anda... pastu explain...nape anda suke senyum...

now its going down

2010-05-21T22:58:00.005+08:00

i ought to know by now that we dont always get what we want. things, people crossed my path but maybe because i was blinded by idealism, or maybe because i am too clumsy, i slipped in the process of grabbing. i only hope that it will eventually cross my path back, like the Brownian motion.. however impossible it may sound.

oh dear God, i feel like a mess right now. cant help asking myself WHY there must be a reason somewhere behind it but i cant quite figure it out yet. i need to fix myself up quick because i know no one else can. i need to stand up on my own. some kind of support would greatly help.

second week of industrial training went fine. i had a lotta fun with my classmates & some new friends. probably thats why. i got too happy that i am crashing right now.

Eidetic

2010-05-16T21:27:00.004+08:00

hello.. okay la i have a confession, actually i dont like my previous post sebab mcm ala ala desperado. oHH sil vous plait. please dont misunderstand. hormone saya mmg suka wat cmni. oleh kerana itu, sy mau buang jauh2 entry tersebut dengan membuat entry baru. haha. *apelaa, delete je la kan senang?* takmo delete sebab dah panjang2 tulis.. HUH.

saye mau buat entry tentang word of the day kat dictionary dot com. uhu~

eidetic \ahy-DET-ik\ , adjective;

1. Of, pertaining to, or constituting visual imagery vividly experienced and readily reproducible with great accuracy and in great detail.

2. Marked by or involving extraordinarily accurate and exacting recall especially of visual images.

oh tak faham. erm bukan tak faham tapi tak tau nak buat entry pasal ape yang berkaitan dengan perkataan ini.. visual power saya Alhamdulillah tiada masalah. saya tak memerlukan cermin mata untuk melihat dengan lebih jelas. Alhamdulillah lagi sekali. O Allah, terima kasih untuk nikmat melihat ini :)

btw,, berbalik pada word of the day.. saya hanya boley bercerita pasal VAK learning style *please refer to MR GOOGLE ye rakan2*..VAK stands for visual, auditory and kinesthetic. survey ni dulu saya buat masa kat JOsiah Mason College dulu.. I learnt that im more towards the visual type. it's true, because I'm an observant. I observe things to the very details. I'm crazy for stereograms, i like pictures, i like taking pictures and i loveeee colours.. kalau tengah study pun nota kena berwarna warni, kena ade mind map yg menarik dan saye suka melukis utk lebih senang ingat. nak menghafal pun kena tulis balik.. dalam exam, teringat posisi mana point2 yg perlu dikeluarkan. uhu. whats your learning style?

**contoh stereogram adelah seperti gambar di atas.. apekah yang anda nampak?

♥ saya nampak bentuk hati ♥

nampak tak ? kalau tak nampak sila focus lebey dalam okie ;) juling kan mata sikit, nnt gamba 3d seolah2 terpacul dari gambar tu.. try la.. best :)) more stereograms click here

okie.. thats about it. will update later.. taraaa~

saya punya

2010-05-16T13:59:00.005+08:00

hello sunshine.. it's sunday ! tomorrow is work day lagi lagi lagi.. oh how excited am i? takdelah, biasa biasa je.. duk uma pun tak buat apa sangat,, daily chores and routines as well as kadang2 maen chess dgn adik kecit.. okay adik saya tere maen chess, kakak dia pun die banyak kali kalahkan hihi :))

esok kerja kerja,, drive ke hicom glenmarie pagi2 and selit menyelit dalam selautan kereta yg mostly sama jugak tujuan ngan aku.. pergi kerja cari duit.. tapi aku tak cari duit la aku cari pengalaman. ahaah. poyo. okay da2.

bestnye kerja kat cni sebab leh dgr cerita kakak2 abg2 pakcik2 makcik2 yg keje kat situ. sambel2 tgn busy check weight ke, packing ke.. mulut pun bersuara2.. sme cerita yg dorng cerita wat aku bersyukur sgt dgn apa yg ada sekarang. bukan sblm ni tak bersyukur la, tapi mendalamkan lagi maksud bersyukur tu.. I'm far more luckier than them. Far more fortunate. Alhamdulillah ya Rabb. Bagi aku kekuatan untuk tak whine and moan lagi.

hari jumaat lepas selepas lunch hour balqis, maya & kak ju kena kerja dkt packing area, dorng pack Sun-O-Vit dalam pouches. Imah lak dekat filling room wat royal sachet ngn pakcik India. And yours truly pula kena kerja kat filling room wat probiotic food jenama Bioplus dgn Truong mamat dr Vietnam. sronotnya kerja dgn die sebab die suke stori mori. baru kenal kot, tapi mcm dah lama kenal jer.

memule nak hangatkan keadaan yg hambar die tanya macam2 dlu la, nama sapa umur brapa duduk mana belajar apa et ce te ra. ak teka umur die lebey kurng 29 cmtu tp die ckp umur die dah 35. okey die awet muda la. perut pun tak buncet lagi. huahua pahtu die cakap die tak kawen lagi aa.. die mau cari amoy nnt baby keluar pun putih jugak..adoi2.. die cerita pasal girlfren die dolu2.. nak kawen tapi nape tak menjadi. ak layan je laa alang2 pun takde dgr bunyi pape selain bunyi filling machine.. ntah cemacam lagi laaa de citer2 ak pun tak register sme masuk dalam otak neh tapi ade la satu yg menarik perhatian ak bile die tny ak da ade lom boyfren and ciri2 yg macammane ak cri dalam sorng suami? OHH tergamam juga la aku disitu nak mencari jawapannya..

lalu otak ini pun ligat berfikir.. sebenarnya apakah ciri2 suami idaman aku ??

to be honest, selama ni mmg tak terfikir pun.. asal sesuai sudah la.. faham and boleh tahan perangai aku yg seribu ni.. terima seadanya :))

hurm hurm hurm. tu pon susa nak cari okey haha. okeyla maybe sebab ade juga ciri2 yg mahu dilihat antara nye seperti bertanggungjawab, boleh jadi imam sembahyang, rajin bace Quran mendayu2 tak mendayu pon takpela, hehe. kalau yg share the same interests pun best jugaklaaa.. leh ar sronok sesame. tak kesah pun sebernanye yang penting da bersedia untuk bagi komitmen..I WILL GROW OLD WITH THIS MAN KOT.. OHH jejaka hati dimanakah dikau~?

haha. okeyla ni dia misi husband hunting aka boyfriend forever.. i believe you are out there somewhere.. come out come out wherever you are HAHA da2 ckupla ni. tak terlintas di fikiran pun nak list down ciri2 ni.. segalanya adelah spontan maafkan bahasa dan ejaan yang sangat teruk.

okey bye.. jap lagi nak pi basuh kereta. semoga esok hari kerja boleh dengar cerita best2 lagi :))

les semaines

2010-05-14T19:42:00.005+08:00

FIRST WEEK INDUSTRIAL TRAINING is done! wohhoo!! actually.. i'm not sure what's the emotion behind the woohooo. i'm not glad that im done with the first week nor am i excited.. somehow, right now, im feeling rather sad because time seems to fly so quickly. i like it there.. okay, this is probably just the first week to judge everything but really, i like the first week.

i'm being attached (hoping not to get too attached) at CNI company located at hicom glenmarie. not too far away from home, just around 15 minutes journey. we've been given each 2 yellow tees for our daily uniform, but we have to wear white overalls and working shoes inside the factory. free lunch, delly foods, very very good hospitality..it's very welcoming. basically all i did was checking weights, do some leak tests, and recording things like the RH and temp. the workers there are very nice and friendly, i even got a free haw juice today from one of the workers. thanks mr-i-dont-know-your-name-im-sorry!

next week, the first 2 days will be no work for all of the workers including us, instead there will be some GMP training and 5s housekeeping practice.. ouh thank God my ears could do with some resting from all that machine noises. the headset thinggy is quite heavy lol.

learnt something funny from Truong (the vietnam guy i worked with in the bioplus filling room) he said he can distinguish a married female from the not yet married one from the way she spins her body. he cant explain it the way i can understand it but he said he just knows.. like wow?

and ouh, i smell of coffee everyday :))

ratu hati

2010-05-09T12:54:00.003+08:00

a special post especially dedicated to you ummi

I LOVE YOU

Prof Madya Dr. Dzaraini Kamarun

the one and only

the best mother

ever existed in this heart

everyday is mother's day to me

"Ya Allah ya Tuhan kami, ampunilah dosa-dosa kami, serta dosa ibu bapa kami. Dan kasihi mereka sebagaimana mereka mengasihi kami sewaktu kami kecil..Ameen"

end of yr 3

2010-05-08T17:25:00.004+08:00

Bismillah ArRahman ArRaheem..

Exam has already finished. Wohoo? Naaah, I dont feel like wohoo-ing all that much. to be honest ive been wondering why my post-exam emotions are becoming rather dull. somewhere in this heart, things are still unsettled, leaving feelings uneasy quenching my internal organs. okay, it's probably just my hormones making fun of me, *stop it, you!*

probably because i forgot to bring my shower gel and shampoo back home. *haha* i took off and left puncak alam rather abruptly i must say, only God knows why. another year to spend it there, God please make things easy for me. okay laaaa, i must say probably i survived because of my girl friends. I heart you girls. Im not the jiwangy type but try to open up my cardiac space, you'll find your names carved in every corner of my atrium and ventricles.

que sera sera.. I'm ignoring the dark side of life, because looking at the brighter side is much more pleasing. Looking forward.. short termly is 7 weeks of industrial training. hoping to gain as much of good memories and experiences as possible from it. long term? havent thought about it much *tsk. i only know that i have one whole year more to finish my BPharm (Hons.), insyaAllah. Rabbana Yassir Wala Tu'assir.

le battlefied

2010-04-17T19:55:00.005+08:00

No word of the day for today because le self is not bothered to check le dictionary and le brain is not in the most fittest position to elaborate.

Updates? nothing much, nothing big and nothing as significant as final exam is coming right up to steal my precious moment with mr bed and also mr bantal. and it is making me more and more attached to the study desk, more academic boooks, heaps of sheets of lecture notes and flourescingly bright coloured inks. oh~ i like~~~

First paper shall be on the 21st of April and ends on the 7th of May. May the time in between be filled with a lot of determination and a well lit inner fire, healthy bodies, balanced of work and play.

Allahumma inni as-alukal fauza 'indal qadha wa manaazilasy syuhada wa 'aisyas su'ada' wan nasra alaal a'daa'

Ya Allah Kami memohon kejayaan dalam setiap ketentuan, tempat para syuhada'dan kehidupan orang-orang bahagia serta kemenangan mengatasi musuh
AMeen Ya Rabb~

Good luck and all the best to all dear PH210 mates!

grok

2010-04-05T16:23:00.009+08:00

Bismillah~

today's word of the day is::::::::::::

GROK

ape itu grok?

bunyi macam garuk, takpun macam sejenis monyet berbadan besar dan berbulu, monster berwajah bengis.. suka mengeluarkan bunyi grok grok grok....*pengaruh harry potter, half brother hagrid nama die GRAWP adelah seorang GIANT* uhu~

anyway, the real meaning of that particular word is::::::::

GROK \GRAWK\ , verb;
1. To understand, especially in a profound and intimate way. Slang.

Quotes:
The electeds can say "I feel your pain" when the teleprompter tells them to, but our current existential crisis isn't something they grok.

-- Reverend Billy Talen, Alternet, February 27, 2010

For those who don't quite grok the Web, it can be an intimidating challenge.
-- New York Times, June 1, 1997

Origin:
The slang word grok was coined by Robert A. Heinlein in the science fiction novel "Stranger in a Strange Land", where it is a Martian word meaning literally "to drink" and metaphorically "to be one with"

ni la antara contoh bila perkataan tak melambangkan maksud. lain benar dengan "onomatopoeia" yang bermaksud perkataan yang menyerupai bunyi yg dihasilkan eg SLURP (bunyi bila org minum air) atau PRANG (bunyi kaca pecah). perkataan GROK ni macam bunyi yg sgt ganas *pada pandangan saya la* tapi bila tgk maksud sebenarnya perkataan ni sangat lah lembut. to understand. memahami. bak kata seorng teman sy "sesungguhnya dalam kasar itu ada kasih"

baru-baru ni class mate sy baru di ijabkabulkan dengan pilihan hati nya alhamdulillah. terbina satu lagi masjid insyaAllah. kebetulan pula saya pun tengah baca buku pinjaman seorg housemate "Aku terima nikahnya".. hati saya banyak kali disentuh oleh pilihan perkataan dan emosi sy seringkali dikacau oleh mesej yang disampaikan.. ada juga la time2 yang sy tertitis air mata baca *spoiler alert* time die cter kisah Abah & waktu die meninggal. sgt sedih...uhu. papepun, tahniah lagi sekali saya ucapkan pada Eeqa & Amin. Selamat menempuh alam perkahwinan, selamat maju jaya. nak tempuh alam perkahwinan nak kena ade persefahaman, nak bace novel pun kena faham mesej yang nak disampaikan..

okay... berbalik pada topik asal.. GROK: to understand. saye merasakan banyak aspek dalam hidup ni yang memerlukan kita untuk FAHAM. nak faham lecture notes, nak faham perangai orang, nak faham alam sekitar, nak faham diri sendiri, nak faham semua WHAT and WHY. orang kate kalau kita nak faham org laen, kte perlu letakkan diri kte sendiri dalam situasi org tu baru la leh ckp "i feeeel you" ehehe.

tapi mmg sy tak nafikan dalam hidup ni byk btul benda yg susah nak faham.. kenapa org sanggup buat & buang bayi , kenapa org sanggup kutuk kematian arwah Din Beramboi, kenapa org buat cmtu kenapa org buat cmni..

semakin sy mahu memahami semakin sy tak fhm dgn keadaan dunia sekarang ni.... smoga kita semua berada dalam golongan org yg faham dengan ajaran agama Islam, faham dalam mengamalkannya..amin ya Rabb

neophyte

2010-03-30T14:39:00.004+08:00

Bismillah~

Today's Word of the Day *from dictionary.com* is :

NEOPHYTE : a novice

i wanted a further explanation so i clicked on the word :

neophyte

\NEE-uh-fyt\ , noun;

A new convert or proselyte.

A novice; a beginner in anything.

saya juga seorang neophyte. also known as beginner, novice, newbie atau pada gamers mereka mungkin panggil sy NOOB.

pada 3 minggu yang lepas sy telah menerima bungkusan dari Korea. gembira di hati tak terkata bila sy mmg da tau ape yg terkandung dalam kotak bungkusan itu. it was my first touch on a toy camera, nama dia diana mini ^_^ packaging dia menarik sangat.. a collection of lomo pictures membuatkan saya lebih excited. jauh di sudut hati "akan aku jadi lomographer berjaya, producing picture ala-ala vintage, oversaturated colours dgn vignette menarik, insyaAllah"

my first roll of film has been succesfully developed. alhamdulillah, i loved the way the pictures turned out. very old-school but still a lot of improvements need to be made - kata hati sy sendiri.. sy pun mula join online flickr group diana mini, rasa ingin tahu membuak2. bereksperimen dengan different film ISO. 2 rolls are already on its way to be developed. sy minta one of the film to be cross-processed. i cant wait to see how it turns out.

thanks to online lomo groups. sy takde sifu lomo huhu to directly teach me. huhu anyone ?

anyways, yeap.. im looking forward to collect more lomo cameras. hehe. *gile* sorry DSLR you may have to wait. a lot of people are using DSLR nowadays. dah mcm trend bukan kerana passion. org kate its not the camera but its the eye of the photographer. nak kata sy pengambil gamba yg bagus, tak jugak..tp buat lah sesuatu kerana kamu sukakannya. bukan nak show off atau sebab orang laen pun guna jugak.

anyway, im still a complete neophyte when it comes to photography & lomography. it's what im into the most, one of my favourite things sejak dulu lagi so i believe there is a way for me to become a professional one. ehe. insyaALLAH. everyone is a beginner when it comes to something new kan? macam tangga batu caves kat UiTM puncak alam ni la. you climb up the stairs slowly, enjoy the view and eventually you'll reach the top :D

sylvan

2010-03-28T07:40:00.008+08:00

Alhamdulillah..

New layout. I havent been doing this since i moved into blogspot. I got used to CSS codes that dear xml tags keep giving me headaches. but voila, new layout has been born into heartsontheline.blogspot.com ehe. sorry i havent posted anything in a while. same old causes, same old purposes. i apologise (not that anyone cared anyway)

honestly, i dont know what to write. so i went on dictionary.com. Word of the day turned out to be

SYLVAN : pertaining to woods or forests.

my first impression was about a memory years back when i was in primary school. darjah 5. camping at ULU YAM, selangor. program syabab dan fatayat. PSFM. I wished i had the pictures but no, i dont. nevermind, moving pics of a bit of everything still are in this precious mind of mine. aha. i remember it was my first time camping in the "woods" and during that time i secretly developed a fond interest towards nature. green , fresh and living. the cold temperature of rivers that cause every lips to go cyanosis, the sound of it all. teringat juga masa jungle trekking 2 kali kena gigit dgn pacat, gemok suda pacat tu hisap darah senyap2 dalam kasut. uhu. geli2. tak lupe jugak kena masak nasi guna api unggun kayu je, nasi pun cam ada yang mentah. ehe. paling bes of course la mandi berendam lama2 kat dalam sungai. syokkkkk. tidur selewat 2 bangun seawal 4. qiamullail pun tersengguk sengguk. ada jugak yg tertidur masa sujud. kelakar.

second camping masa darjah 6. pulau pangkor. laut. teringat masa main game hud-hud. 3 pagi kot. gelap gulita. the purpose was probably to test our ability to stay calm and focused. ditinggalkan keseorangan dalam hutan, mencari jalan pulang hanya dengan berpandukan suara sayup2 "hud-hud". kenangan.

lepas tu sekolah menengah da takde camping. kat UK lagi la takda camping. tp balik malaysia camping lagi. main sungai lagi. tapi kali ni with la famille. the most recent camping moments masa kat kemensah. eh, actually it wasnt exactly camping, tapi masuk hutan la. mandi sungai air terjun jugak. pergi ngn rakan2 pharmacy. BBQ. jungle trekking *pakai sliper je*. paintball. best.

and now i feel like wanting to go camping lagi. paling koman pun mandi sungai je la. rindu rindu.

yesterday i watched Oprah. one of my favourite tv shows. the topic was about the usages of plastic bags and how it affects the environment. and did you know? every ocean ade at least one patch or pool of garbage floating around on it surface. i cannot remember where was the largest patch was but just imagine it stretches from california to japan. it was sickening to watch pictures of wildlife stuck in that kind of environment. ade this one bird *what species wallahualam* it catches fishes with its sharp beaks by diving from the air into the water, and ade transparent plastic bag on the surface of the water which then caused to bird to get stuck in it forever. ade sea turtle stuck in an elastic rubber band when it was young and grew up having that band deforming its body structure. kesian gila.

im glad selangor have started to reduce the usage of plastic bag by charging consumers 20 cents for every plastic bags every saturday. nak gi shopping kat tesco ke giant ke better bawak beg shopping sendiri la. and whats better, kalau hari sabtu je mesti orang ramai malas nk gi shopping sebab tak dpt plastic beg so berkurangan la org kat giant ke tesco ke hari sabtu tu.hehe. kalau tak ramai sokmo jeee. huh.

semalam earth hour. i support by sleeping early in the dark. haha. did u turn off the lights?

p/s: daripada taktau nak cakap apa to banyak cakap pulak. bagus tul idea word of the day ni, leh amalkan selalu. ehe.

in it to win it

2010-03-11T16:10:00.007+08:00

Life is like a game. The objective of life is to win it.There are many levels in life. Each level has its own boss and difficulty level. These are obstacles in life. Our job is to defeat the boss.Whenever we get stuck in a level, its time to sought help from others. This can be in the form of getting tips of friends who have already passed the level or working together to pass a particular level.
There are many levels. It could be Family Level 1, Friends Level 2, Love Level 3 or Business level 48. Each time we pass a level, we will move on to the next. Sometimes in order to pass a certain level, we need to pass levels from different categories first. Sometimes, we have to revisit earlier levels to re-learn things we forget.

Like all games, the purpose of games is entertainment or enjoyment. Thats why, we must always enjoy the game of life. Don’t get too frustrated over one level. Revisit older levels and remind yourself of your previous achievements. Even if you can’t pass level 10 of Career, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be proud that you are at much higher levels of other categories.
I play the Game Of Life to win.

So… do you wanna play?

From : http://www.khaiyong.com/

It has been a tough week altogether, but im not here to complain not here to babble on pressure, works and whatnots. but im here to stress on something, Allah is behind everything. Whatever is willed by HIm is not only perfect but also the best that could possibly happen in all situations, in all circumstances. U just have to have faith. Put your endless trust in Him. Be strong.

Be sure We shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere, who say, when afflicted with calamity: "To Allah We belong, and to Him is our return": They are those on whom (descend) blessings from Allah, and Mercy, and they are the ones that receive guidance. [Qur'an 2:155-157 Yusuf Ali Translation]

api api cinta

2010-03-03T17:36:00.007+08:00

Bismillah~

Let me introduce you to my new little friends:

- Project site (OPD hospital kajang) ala-ala research siap kena buat research proposal, literature review segala.

- part of PH210 syllabus : the real research PHR555. a research proposal to be completed by next month. HPLC, here I come!! *baca dengan nada forced excitement*

- Tests (ade S ok kat belakang)

COmel tak my new little friends? Sangat best la dorang. Mesti laa best kan, kalau tak mana tak kena habiskan masa dengan mereka2 ni.. Huhu. Hello March. Selamat datang, Welcome, Bienvenue..Tapi cepat cepat la berlalu, Bukan aku tak suka kau hadir dalam hidup aku, tapi sekali kau datang kau bawa sekali dengan stress dan kerja yang beribu.. Bukan niat aku untuk mengadu, tapi Oh tuhan sessungguhnya engkau yang lebih tahu.

Semalam sembang sembang dengan housemate. Lega rasa hati bila dapat luahkan perasaan pada orang yang kita boleh percaya. Housemate aku cakap, when it comes to work, we cannot depend on external forces, tapi kita kena cari our own INNER FIRE. maksudnya kita tak boleh nak depend on pressure dari sekeliling baru start nak buat keje/study/assignment. kena ada sendiri punya keinginan, kesungguhan untuk siapkan semua kerja properly. bukan buat last minute cincai boncai. hehe. selama ni kunun nye jadikan "I WORK BEST UNDER PRESSURE" sebagai alasan. selagi tak rasa pressure selagi tu la ambil menda tu mudah. tu yang keje pun sume last minit, procrastination terus membelenggu diri. ape ni? mana prioriti?

tibe2 secara tak langsung sorang lagi housemate dijadikan sebagai idola study. patut la pun dia dapat anugerah dekan setiap semester, setiap malam pun study and bila satu malam tak study sebab tertido ke, dah rasa bersalah pada diri sendiri and cuba nak ganti balik waktu yang termiss tu. bagus tak bagus?

tibe plak aku spoil the mood, aku kate, kadang2 nak start bersemangat tu memang senang, tapi nak maintain bersemangat tu yg masalahnya...sume pun agree. api2 semangat memula membara tp lepastu die sejuk n padam balik. so jadi la takde mood la, malas la. hurm. so house mate aku td pun jawab balik..

kita kena ingat UNTUK APA KITA HIDUP?

kuatnya dugaan ni YaAllah, betapa dalam nya kau nak uji kesabaran diri yg kecil ni. jika ini kehendak Mu tuhan, aku rela kerna hanya Kau yg lebih mengetahui apa yg terkandung dalam isi hati ku.. Kerna ku tahu kau masih sayangkan aku. apa yg ku pinta hanya lebih sikit kesabaran dan semangat diri.. please. setiap orang pun ada masing2 punya tujuan hidup yang mana in the end semua nya akan berbalik pada Allah. tapi dia kata kena juga ada specific target yang nak dicapai. terima kasih teman sebab ingatkan aku balik pada target hidup aku. you know who you are.

apa target anda? hu3

p/s: sebenanye, inner fire ni bukan la terikat pada bab education je, nak berkasihan bercinta pun kena ada inner fire kalau nak relationship tu berkekalan ;) haha. selamat segalanya~ dan tahniah pada yg dah/nak mendirikan rumahtangga tak lama lagi. *tak pepasal*

lit up

2010-02-17T10:26:00.005+08:00

wishing people HAPPY BIRTHDAY and MAY ALL YOUR DREAMS AND WISHES COME TRUE. i wish people would have wished me that everyday because in my mind i have this big of a wish, more like a dream really. apart from getting BPharm (Honors), dealing with meds and patients and other healthcare professionals, theres something out of my norm that i'd really like to achieve. i rarely share my dreams with just anyone, so consider yourself lucky mister blog, this happens once in a lifetime HEHE.

It started back in year 2005. I was wandering about in the cold winter in the heart of birmingham city, union street they call it, i cant remember, but i think it was near to bull ring. a store bearing the name WHSmith attracted me with so much attention, I just had to came in there everytime i went to the city. not only it had levels of books on sale but also a cafe in the middle of the store (i think u had to go to level 3 to reach the cafe)!!! it was just sooooo coool to be able to just sit down and relax with a light book down in your hand. And also a light chit chat with your friends, it seems like a cool atmosphere, only certain people would understand..

"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."
- Winston Churchill

so anyway, i was doing my retail RET530 assignment, and as i was doing it, my mind wanders off in this imaginary bookstore café we were working on. iits about love, its about compassion, i cant help feeling excited and planning to really open one, maybe in the next 3 or four years. (i just wished i had the time) insyaAllah. i have a theme in mind and everything is picked out and i know how i want it set up and everything but i really have no idea how to start a small business.. it will have a sense of warmth, cozy and comfort, light brunches, tea/coffee pastries..along with smooth music playing softly in the background… now thats what I'm talking about…it would be a great place to meet, greet and feed; not only the mind but the soul, CEWAH~ (boleh jadi tagline kedai ni haha)

hanum, jom !! sape lg mau jadi business partner? hehehe

ho ho holiday

2010-02-14T11:15:00.003+08:00

hello people of the world. how are yous today? me? not much of an excitement, tbh. holidays mean work to settle, still the same old but no puncak alam in view. i could haha to that, because i actually like puncak alam. especially the fresh cool air of its early mornings. u dont get that often in shah alam, really.

year of the tiger. lets RAWR. haha. im not into these kind of things, but tigers are sexy lol. ive been consuming a lot of mandarins, honey ponkans and etcetera until im feeling a little funny down in my tummy at the moment.. it is due time that im heading towards the toilet HAHA.

tomorrow im planning to spend the day at PJ, first stop being at Jaya 33, and then towards Amcorp Mall. InsyaAllah, I will treat myself with a hand full of holiday-survival-kits : BOOKS. haha. i know, bookworm i am. sitting outdoor on the grass with a cup of hot choc just a grab away, purrrrfect. sometimes its the only way that i could dwell into another world other than mine. having another point of view added to my own.. it's just cool. anyone care to share the moment with me?

have a good holiday, fellas.

random

2010-02-12T00:03:00.003+08:00

im just saying this randomly..

if your birthday is today..

happy birthday !!

i wish you a great and happy life..

make a difference!

look and see

2010-01-24T10:22:00.004+08:00

lately ive been flooding the blog with complaints and discontentment but that was really a part of whats inside my mind, im sorry if it sounds too emotional or anything but nevertheless i thank you dearest friends for understanding the situation and also for the valuable pieces of advice.. i will keep them properly here in my heart *sambil tapak tgn tunjuk ke hati*

its sunday morning and i feel like blogging. huu.. since last entry i was talking about looking forward, there are a few things that i have in my mind for the future.. pharmacists : they can go into four different sectors

hospital
community (retail)
industry
education

i have spent last holiday gaining experiences working in a retail pharmacy.. i realise that i like meeting different kind of people and also communicating with patients, consulting them about the proper usage of their medicines. but theres one part that i kureng sikit, that is the business and administration part.. uhh, i really am not into that kind of thing, sadly honestly. so probably im not fit to be in this sector unless i get married to a person who is into these things lol :p

moving on to the hospital sector, my hospital attachment has just started last week. although hospital kajang isnt new and with 16 uitm pharmacy students attached there, it looked as though the place is congested, and with 2 hours journey from puncak alam, i still would say that we are honored to be in the hospital because it's all about gaining valuable experience. the first week, i got attached to the OPD department, i'd say the flow of work is really interesting however routinely it may appear. and next week it's going to be IPD for me and 3 of my teammates. i like the 5S system theyre practicing by the way. very organised. hahh, dah satu benda yang sy leh amek and apply dlm hidup.. 5S..

industrial ? i have no comment yet, since our practical training for industry is going to be in our upcoming holidays but from my first impression of the subject we're learning this sem, it's not as bad as it may sound.. but still, i have to experience it first to comment further. and lastly, education.. to be a lecturer? hmm, ive got to think twice or mybe even more than that.. i dunno.. i just cannot visualise myself being a lecturer..can you ?

with that all said , in reality, sy masih lagi jadi tukang rasa skrg ni..merasa dan mengomen,, kalau tak suka sy tak makan dah, kalau suka berkali2 sy tambah.. whats important now is to experience and get a taste of everything,, and whats more important is to be sincere in everything we do.. a reminder to myself as well, kerja yang dilakukan kerana Allah adalah satu ibadah... jadi sy kena ikhlas kan diri, bermalas2an sy tak mau lagi.. insyaAllah, kuatkan semangat ku ini, ya Rabbi.

someday

2010-01-22T23:18:00.006+08:00

sometimes i think watching too much korean dramas is bad.. they do me nothing but having high expectations of guys. guys should be like this, they should do this, and they should do that, i want a guy like that, he's so sweet and bla di bla...i shouldnt be blaming the dramas but i get tired of myself setting criterias of a dream guy. its not much use anyway, every one has their own good and bad points. ive got to stop myself from getting too attached to fictional characters that sometimes i feel like ive lost my senses. truth is, korean dramas, they portray emotions well that i can truly feel them. it's just an act, for god's sake! probably i have been given the chance to be in their shoes, it is as though the act was real. this sounds like an excerpt from my english lit coursework : every word, every action lies a meaning which not everyone can interpret well. probably differently but that's how we view things.

so typical of me,, kdg2 berada diawang2an smp takmau balik ke reality tp kenyatannye disitula tmpt nye kte patut ada,, tak kisah la suka atau tidak..belajar lah untuk menerima meskipun hidup tak selalu memberi. insyaAllah ada juga hikmah nya tu nnt.. bak kata izzatizaki: give time, time..

stop with the nonsense already, mardhiyah. you've got to set your priorities right. look forward, look ahead of you, you've set GOALS that you're determined to achieve,, please focus on that..other things will come later on, sooner than you might realize it..insyaAllah. get back to your senses, cry if you must, but afterwards leave your heart no space for unnecessary things.. have faith in Allah because He wont turn you down..